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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hello, I have met this girl last year in May. After 2 dates

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Hello, I have met this girl last year in May. After 2 dates and intimacy she told me that she is married since 9 years. We were still texting once in awhile, until I met her again in Oct last year. She told me that her husband divorced her and she has a boyfriend now and she could not have sex anymore and wanting to be friends. However, we still had sex that night.

I stayed away from it until she contacted me in Jan2012 and wanting to give it another try between us. In the meantime she had moved to Chicago to be closer to her ex, so I flewup there to see her for 3 days. We had an amazing time, but she wants to take it one day at the time. She says she really likes me but her heart is still a little with her ex.

Am I beeing dragged along for convenience? She has not made any attempts or commitment to visit me in Houston. All my friends tell me to "run" not walk away, but I feel emotionally attached. However, it starts to affect my health.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

I agree with your friends. This is not healthy for you and won't be until you leave it alone. She would not have moved near her ex unless she was more than a little involved with him. She sounds like someone who likes to have multiple relationships possibly to feed her own ego. A relationship can't be built on lies. Even though her lies are to someone else it says everything about her character. It has been my experience that if someone cheats on their partner they will have no trouble cheating on you. I think you are a convenience and I think she will have no trouble ending your relationship when it is convenient for her. Do yourself a favor and find someone who is dedicated to you. Don't try to fit yourself around her life choices. You need to believe that you deserve better. Until you believe it she won't believe it. Listen to your friends and run.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Well, this is what I am hearing from fiends and actually she told me that I deserve better and she can't commit to me the way she should. My problems is that I get these txts and calls out of the blue, and I try to be nice and respond, but then I find myslef getting emotionally invloved again. I received a Valetines card, which confused me a lot.

Is this just to keep me into it?

Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
You are trying to be nice and it is causing you problems. Ignore the texts completely. If you want to send her a text saying I won't answer your calls then fine but you have to cut her off. If not she draws you in. Don't be confused. Her feelings are not the focus. You need to end it . Cut it off. No texts, no questions about her feelings, no conversations.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

OK. I have one last question for the future. So I met her at a hotel bar and we had a great conversation. After a while a guy showed up who she had invited. It tunrns out he was a passenger from the flight she was attending. After a while I walked off and she asked me for my number which I gave her.

She texted me at 3AM and told me the guy was boring. After telling it a friend, she told me that should have been a clear sign of her character. I confronted her when we were together, and she said she never had sex with him. But could I ever trust her?

Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
No you can't. What she is saying is that she entertained him first and then when she found out he was boring she started dating you. You can't trust this person, She seems to use guys like they are at her disposal. Be strong. Avoid contact and move on. You will never be able to trust her
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