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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I have been with my boyfriend for about 1 year and 5 months.

Customer Question

I have been with my boyfriend for about 1 year and 5 months. It has been great but he is very jealous. I thought it was normal until he started to control what I wore. He gets very jealous if I wear shorts or skirts and dies if I wear a bikini. He just doesn't like the idea of others looking at me. I don't know what to do, how can I make him realize that there is nothing wrong in me wearing what I want to wear?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

You can only address this to a minimal level. Jealousy and control is based on insecurity on the part of the person that is jealous. They compensate their feelings of insecurity by trying to control their partner. By controlling their behavior or clothes they are really trying to control their feelings of insecurity. You can work with him but he has to change his own deficits. The problem is that many times the jealous person convince the partner it is their problem and they don't want to change anything. If they aren't willing to change then the partnership is going to continue to be strained. When someone is insecure it fractures the basis of the relationship because there is no trust. You can visit a self help aisle together and work on his insecurities but he has to have an open mind. You will never do everything right so he has to change so that he has a healthy relationship. Control tends to get better not worse. Tell him you need change!


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I just don't know how to make him listen to me, he just always seems to believe he is right and sometimes even makes me believe he is. How can I talk about this with him? In what way do you think he could listen to what I say without thinking I am wrong?
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I would suggest that you improve your communication so that you are better prepared. Get my favorite source so that you can express yourself without him dominating the conversation - Mars and Venus Together Forever. You have to be confident or else he will change your position. Rehearse what you are going to say and repeatedly tell yourself that you aren't going to back down. When you feel you have confidence then approach this again. Dont let him mislead you from the discussion. Stay on task and focus on what you are saying. If you want the Rules of Fair Fighting they are in the book too