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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1168
Experience:  Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
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What does it mean if a guy (who is a very good friend) tells

Customer Question

What does it mean if a guy (who is a very good friend) tells you how hot you are, that he feels a connection with you, cuddles with you, and then is a no show/no call the next day. After that he calls every now and then, acts bizarre and sometimes just completely drops of the face of the earth only to come back again. So you write him a letter saying that you have feelings for him as more than a friend and thought maybe he did to but weren't sure. If he does that's great and we can see what happens, if not that's okay as well we can still be friends. He reads it (you think) and doesn't say a word. He has not called or texted, nothing.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. L replied 5 years ago.


I'd like to help you with your question.


From what you wrote, it seems that there is not much of a relationship between the two of you. His coming in and out of your life suggests that he may have other relationships that he is involved in or that he is not interested in a relationship at this time. In any event, this is not about you but about him....about what he wants and doesn't want.


I'm sorry.



Expert:  Dr. L replied 5 years ago.

Sometimes people are just not honest about their feelings and that leads to hurt feelings.


I am sorry this happened to you.


If you would like to chat more, I would be happy to talk more.


Dr. Levang

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I understand,and I'm fine if he's not interested but all this stuff has happened over about a a week period. We have been friends for almost a year, and he constantly tells me how amazing I am, how I'm a rare find etc. He's not a player kind of guy so I don't think it's multiple relationships, could be an ex he's not over or something. At any rate the part of your answer about him coming and going out of my life doesn't reall make sense given the time frame. He's also not a more than one woman kind of guy. He did just lose his job and I have been helping him through that. He did send a text telling me a different letter I sent him telling him everything would be okay etc meant more to him than I will ever know.
My main question is why all these actions and words only to then turn around and give a cold shoulder when I did not make any of the moves? I only wrote the letter about being more than friends after the cokld shoulder thing started because it's so weird.
Expert:  Dr. L replied 5 years ago.


Perhaps he is conflicted or indecisive. If he is not over an ex then certainly that could be a reason not to move too fast into another relationship. Having a 3rd person - meaning her - in a new relationship is a difficult situation. A job loss can hurt one's self-esteem in a big way...and it tends to drain away our feelings of worth. So that's another possibility.


My best advice is to not give up. Give him some space, check in with a text here and there just to say "thinking of you" and see what happens.


Maybe he is just not in a good place right now.


Dr. Levang