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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Hi, i have been with my ex for 11 month and tried to break

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Hi, i have been with my ex for 11 month and tried to break up with him(i did not really mean it sometimes) for several times. two weeks ago he suggested we took a break, but we still kept in touch for the next week and he told me he missed me and had been hurting himself and blaming himself. I was having a lot of work at that time and so did he so i thought the best to do was to cool down and tried to decide after this semester is over and thats what I told him. He seemed really upset about that and agreed to keep in touch while we took a break. The next day when i tried to check on him we got into a big fight and i said something mean to him and ask him to stay away from my life(i obviously didn't mean that)and he said he always thought he didnt deserve me and was sorry. after half an hour i felt i was too harsh and tried to call him and apologize, he didn't pick up, instead his mom yelled at me and asked me to leave him alone. I have not been able to get in touch after several tries and gave up a week later. does this mean our relationship is over? the reason he wanted a break was he thought i got too close with my ex and lied to him. he is 21, i am 25, i am his first love, it seems he loved me a lot and he hurt himself every time he did something wrong to me. Right now i feel guilty about hurting him and really am not sure if it is over for us and i should move on. his mom hates me and thinks i am pulling every trick to win him back, but the fact is I didn't love him as much when we were together, and i feel really sorry about treating him that way and want to make it up to him. does this mean i am still in love with him?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
Hello. When you say that he is hurting himself, do you mean physically? If so, this is a dangerous trait to have. A person who hurts themeself, usually does so to make the other person feel bad and guilty that it is their fault. It sounds like he has gotten to you a little bit in tis way. It also sounds as though you say a lot of things that you don't mean, which causes him additional pain which is understandable. The best thing right now is for you both to take a break as you said. He may be tired of you over reacting and then apologizing to him,s so it is very possible that it is over. Now that his mother is involved, even if you both did get back together, the hurt you caused her son will probably never be forgotten. There may always be that stress there. If it is over, or if it isn't, you need to learn how to be more genuine in your feelings and how you act on them. While we all say and do things we don't mean, you seem to make more of a habit of it. Even breaking up with him and saying you didn't really mean it can be devestating for someone on the other end. You need to realize how your actions can effect people and choose more carefully how to handle these situations in the future. Use this as a lesson to learn.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thanks Dr Paige.
Yes, he cut himself every time he feels he hurt someone he cares or vice versa. My problem is the guilt i feel from this relationship is too much that i sometimes wake up crying. HIs mom has a big imfluence on me now that she has turned her back and accused me of hurting her son makes me feel i am the bad person here. When i was with him, i didn't think he was the best for me and he said himself I was too good for him, but I tried to help him in any way i can and love him as much as i can. Now that he is gone, i miss him a lot, all I wanted for now is us to be friends and communicate. Do you thnink he will come around and talk to me some day? I hate to lose him as a friend. Since i was a kid i had the tendency to please anyone around me i hate when i get people unhappy.
Thanks a lot.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
are our conversations confidential?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
No, these conversations are not confidential. I think it is possible that he may come around, but you need to give this some time. He also needs to get some help for his insecurities as well. I think you can both have a relationship in the future, but you both need to do some work to make that happen. Make sure that your feelings for him are not clouded by feeling bad or pity for him and that you really feel how you do.
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