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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I am beginning to think it is me who must learn to deal with

Resolved Question:

I am beginning to think it is me who must learn to deal with my insecurties and jealousy. The strange thing is I have never felt like this about anyone before. But, I am becoming paranoid of my partners interest in other women and I find I am losing trust and becoming suspicious and insecure. Have you any advice how I can rise above these insecurties accept that my partner will look at other attractive women but that does not mean that he does not love me - why do I feel so insecure? Please could someone give me some advice on how to deal with this and begin to enjoy my relationship with my partner again?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

You may find that as you said this stems from being insecure. I always recommend that the partner such as you involve the other partner to work on this problem. If you explain hos this makes you feel and the relationship is healthy he will offer to change his behavior enough that you feel better about the relationship. In terms of you as a couple it is about compromise and consideration. Tell him that this makes you doubt his feelings for you. Talk about this openly. The second issue is your own insecurity and that you have to work on yourself. You can find a therapist to address your insecurities. Often times then stem from poor self esteem. You can also use self help and visit your local book store for resources that address low self esteem. There is even a workbook available called the Self Esteem Workbook. Be proactive


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I have tried talking to my parnter but he just gets angry with me and says my insecurities are my problem. He says he feels accused when I say anything to him although I don't intend to make him feel that way. He often contradicts himself telling me I have nothing to worry about and then saying 'he likes women and what man does'nt!' I suppose I can't argue with that! I will try and get the book you mentioned where is the best place I can purchase it from. To finish - do you think I may have something to worry about with my parntner or do you think the issues are with me? I know I don't have much self-confidence at the moment. But my main concern is that I have never felt this way with any of my previous parnters I have never been the jealous sort atall or mistrusting!?
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
You can find it by going to the major chains and having them order it or on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel on line. I think you need to address your issues first because if you don't you won't know if you are projecting your insecurities onto him. I don't know if you have something to worry about because there may be a quality with him that is sparking your self doubt. That insecurity may or may not be valid. Try working on yourself before jumping to conclusions
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