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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I went to a concert last night with my husband and another

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I went to a concert last night with my husband and another couple. We were having a good time, my husband was on the other side of the couple (they were between us). As the music played, I looked over to my husband and there was this woman behind him had her hand on his shoulder. I thought that was odd, so I looked back at the band playing. About a minute later, her had (the woman in the bleachers behind us) now had her hand on his head. I kind of thought to myself...who is this? Anyway about 2 minutes later, I watched her place both hands on his shoulders...rubbing one and tapping the other.... he was bouncing to the music and seemed not in the least bit alarmed by any of this. I walked over to her and tapped her in the leg and asked her if she could take her hands off my husband. She did and appologized to me. I was furious with the situation... at first with the woman and then I became angry with my husband. (who has had a history of flirting with women in front of me and will always sort of play dumb) He tries to make me feel that there is a flaw in my character for fetting upset about this sort of thing, and will then turn it on me "that I didn't handle it properly" (calling him out on it and not being more subtle about it) I am frustrated because we have been married for 5 years, 2 kids and my feeling is that if you RESPECTED me... you wouldn't do this in the first place. Please tell me what you think.

I think that you are right to feel the way you do. About the other women it is strange that one would do that without knowing the other person, but there are all types of people in this world, so it is not surprising. She may have not known that he was with you and that is her personality. I am wondering why your husband was not sitting with you and the other couple was in between. I feel that if your husband respected you he would have told the woman to stop. With that being said also if he respected himself he would have told her to stop as well for that reason. It should have been his job what you did, but since he did not do it you stepped up and did it. I feel you did the right thing with the woman. You did not start a fight. You simply stated in a polite manner and she respected you and stopped. That part went well. I feel you did the right thing and he should have did that. That would make me worry what he would allow if you are not there. Sometimes when people are wrong they try to change the situation and make the other person feel bad to get themselves out of trouble. This is sometimes done on purpose, but can also be done subconsciously as well. Either way it is not correct and communicating with him about this would be best and do not allow him to make you feel bad about this or the flirting. Husbands and wives need to respect each other. That is extrelemy important in a marriage. I hope this was helpful and I wish you all the best with this!


Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

Good Morning,

I respect the other Expert's viewpoint, but I see this differently.


You were at a music concert. People were excited by the music and enjoying themselves. Yes...the woman behind your husband was inappropriate. However, I don't see this as a terrible, marriage threatening action. tell her to stop touching your husband was your right to do. And, as you wrote, she stopped. She apologized. End of story.


The issue of your husband flirting and then blaming you when you confront him is a separate issue altogether. What happened at the concert is, in my experience, a symptom of a larger issue.


It seems that you are angry about his flirting, his blaming you, the sense of disrespect that you feel and so you distrust him. These need to be addressed.


Can you say more about what you are feeling? What happened last night was irritating. But it's what is underneath that situation that is really at the heart of the matter.


I would be happy to chat with you more if you would like to explore this.


Dr. Levang