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I wanted to add more to this before i left feedback and tip.Im

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in a realationship with a...
I wanted to add more to this before i left feedback and tip.Im in a realationship with a 25 yr old female that lives with her father. Her father is very controlling. she has to be home by 5 pm to cook and clean for him. If she doe something he doesnt like he guilts trips her, saying he is going to take her car, or acts as if he is very unhealthy( he has a heart infilberator). Well he always acts like he is going to die. I see a text where he said to get rid of me ,shes not a taxi. ALthough i pay for the tires, the gas, the maintence of the car. Now all of a sudden she is telling me that shes exhuasting of always coming to see me, that if i want to see her i got to come see her. She never spends time with me but one day on weekend, i dont have a car so through out the week she takes me to get groceries and to the gas station and then she has to run home. SHes says she never leaves the house without seeing me, But i dont feel like we every do anything together. She wont state how she feels she just says do what you want. she wanted to get engaged , i got her a ring, but she says she cant move out because she cant leave her dad because her and her son is all he got. i want to mention that he has a full time job, he goes out hunting, drinks etc, so not in that poor of health. I live ten mins away from her. Also i was at their home one night. And her dad, her and i was outside, she was on the phone and her dad started pointed at her and saying "she needs the dick" he repeated it three times getting louder each time, and then started talking about her doing sexual things with his friends. it really made me feel uncomfortable. ANd i told her about this and she said he was just joking, but he sounded intense about it. I belive he manipulates her, and makes her play wife, (her stepmom,his wife) died to years ago. And now she pays the bills, cleans house, has to be home at 5, makes drs appointments.It gets even weirder, her dad wont let her son come over my house either or let me take him to do things such as the circus. I feel like they are dating. IF she doesnt answer her phone then he texts me saying i know shes with you, i know your there answer the phone. I dont know what to do anymore. and she wont go talk to noone with me. i belive she needs help. she was talking to someone awhile back and they told her her dad was manipulative and then she stoped seeing them. She is blind to what he is doing, but before i started bitching about him, she would complain to me about him, now that ive started saying shit to her about him, she is in full defense. What should i do, does this sound wieird? I dont know what to do anymore, any suggestions.
Submitted: 5 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 15 minutes by:
3/2/2012
Counselor: Dr. Paige, Psychologist replied 5 years ago
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,427
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Hi. Wow, yes this is definitely a serious problem with him being manipulative to the extreme. I think you are right in all of your observations about him wanting her to play wife. This sounds very dysfunctional. She probably has some guilt because of the death of her step mom and is dealing with it by submissing to him and his requests.
It is very difficult to get someone to see the actions of another which are detrimental to themselves and in this case, you as well, without sounding like you want her to take sides. You are in a bad situation either way here. If you cannot make her see what is happening, then I'm afraid there is not much you can really do. If she had other people in her life which could also make her see what he is doing to her, then you might have an ally in all of this, but if she is blind to it, then only she is the one who can ultimately choose to see it for herself. You have every right to say things to her about him that you feel, especially when he is making you feel uncomfortable. You should continue to stand up for your side of it. Maybe you need to tell her that you need a break from the situation and walk away for a time. Let things cool off for a bit and let her think about some of the things you said. if you aren't there to be an 'influence' on the situation, if you made a strong enough point, maybe she can see a few things with different eyes.
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
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