I hear you on feeling frustrated about your wife's unwillingness to take your needs seriously.
Think about it this way...
Can you build a picture of a wind chime in your head?
You know - metal pipes, all held together at the top with some piece of wood or something, and hanging in place where the wind can catch them?
Okay. What happens when the teeny, tiniest breeze comes along and pushes against just one of these pipes?
As that one little pipe moves, the rest of the chimes all move too. Right?
Well, that's what happens when you make one, tiny little change in your marriage. It impacts the entire "system".
That's what I'm offering you in the books I suggested. The opportunity to read something that will make at least a teeny tiny change - that change will disrupt the system. What you are hoping for, of course, is a big change...and that may happen. But...to start...any change in how you approach her sexually may just have the impact you are wanting.
I can't make any promises here of course. However, the Soulful Sex book may get you thinking.
As I said earlier, getting the wife to talk about sex and sexuality is difficult. However, if you can learn a few new tricks from the books, things could change for the better.
Be patient. Get the books. I would encourage you to have them visible in the bedroom. If she asks you why you have them...tell her that you want to be a better lover and that you think you may not have been the kind of lover she wanted. I'm not asking you to lie, but I'm asking you to put a different foot forward. Understand?