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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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A new question is answered every 9 seconds met my bf online (very soon, 3 months after he divorced

Resolved Question: met my bf online (very soon, 3 months after he divorced his wife) we had a really good thing going online, then we decided to meet and the physical attraction was def there. Dating was really fun and varied. We kissed after 3 weeks and sex after about 2 months. After 15mths we moved in together, he moved to be with me as this was more practical work wise, Now he is exyremely happy and loves me sooo much. However he is my first boyfriend he's 35 me 32. I am now at a stage where the honeymoon period is over, I enjoy living with him but also enjoy it when he is out at work. The past two week i've had a anxious sort of feeling when he touches me and I nudge him off and I really can't even look him in the face. He goes to kiss me and I turn my head. I can often feel quite bored and depressed when i'm with him and can cry for hours. But then I can be with friends or at work and go back to my happy go lucky self.

A few points to add ...I'm rather overweight and i've been trying to diet but failing, he's supportive but not bothered about my weight.

I've been given my notice and need to find a new job

since moving in together my outgoing sare far more and i'm struggling with money and well into my overdraft.

Just wandering if these few factors are creating stress etc and i'm taking it out on him.

One last thing... previous to this I couldnt wait to get home from work to see him or for him to come in( he does shifts, which still make me feel unsettled as each week on a shift and is on a four week rota. So with this feeling a little confused as I don't know if I still love him. If I put scenarios about us finishing etc I don't seem to flinch.

any advice much appreicated???
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

You need to make a distinction between a relationship where the passion phase has ended and a relationship that is not working. You should examine whether some issues related to your weight has an influence on whether you really want to be with him. You shouldn't be in a relationship because you feel you can't do better. You are not experienced in love and you may want to consider that your actions do not say that you love him. Sometimes our actions speak louder. You don't seem happy with him so this seems a major sign that the relationship may not be what you need it to be. The only person who knows if you are in love but question whether you are in love with the idea of being in love. No one can tell you these answers. You have to examine your feelings and be honest with yourself. Love usually doesn't mean that you don't want to be around each other. If this is just because the passionate stage has passed that is okay. That is bound to happen. You can't expect story book love. Reality is that you get comfortable around each other and you don't have the passion that you had day one.


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