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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1704
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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my Gf and I broke up a month ago and we have a 3 year old child.I

Customer Question

my Gf and I broke up a month ago and we have a 3 year old child.I tried to discuss things with her so we come to restart even for the sake of the child.She is indifferent and confusing.sometimes she comes to kiss me when she comes for the child and sometimes she is cold!
what`s best to do to get her back cos i`m afraid that if I let go completely which I feel very difficult to do I will end up losing her for good!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 5 years ago.

JACUSTOMER-3wxg6ws3- : What kinds of problems are the two of you having that lead to the seperation?
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 5 years ago.

JACUSTOMER-3wxg6ws3- : What kinds of problems are the two of you having that lead to the seperation?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

We didn`t spend a lot of time togegher and from when the child was born she has changed. this last year she nearly always remain asleep with the kid when she takes him to bed and I used to get frustrated.She neglected the house since it`s mine and used to say that it`s not hers.things started going down more and more and arguments increased.

but now since she left I am seeing things from a different perspective and that I worked a lot wasn`t that good idea because I used to be already stressed when arriving home.

Now she seems that for her it`s over but I want to make things work cos I both really love them and know that with this life my son is going to suffer alot!

sometimes she says that she doesn`t want a clean cut because if that was the case she would have went to a lawyer but on the other hand she acts cold and barley contacts me if it`s not for our son.

Am really confused what`s best to do.

Wish to add that she had a difficult child hood with parents seperated when she was 15 and am afraid that the hate for her father is being expressed on me! A sort of revenge to see me suffer.

Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 5 years ago.
I sounds like she may have been depressed after the birth. She might still be having some depression. The two of you became emotionally withdrawn from each other and she is still feeling that way. If she's will to try going to counseling together, that is my suggestion. If your girl friend is depressed the therapist could help with that. Would you be willing to ask her about that?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I asked her several times to go and she objects.the last time I met a counsellor friend of mine she spoke to her for nearly 2 hrs but still she was adament of not returning.Last november her uncle who is a doctor gave her `wellbutrin`anti depressants.she is 28 now.when she was 15,when her parents seperated she also was on anti depressants.

I ask ,shall I be nice to her and always try to involve her although she is not here or shall I limit my contact.

I read alot that I should cut all contact but we meet daily cos of our son so he sees me n spend time with me.not to mention that I find it extremly hard not to contact her cos I don`t want her to think that she`s not Important to me.

wish for a good answer on this cos i`m at a loss of what`s best to do.

Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 5 years ago.
It's too bad she's avoiding dealing with things that upset her. There's not much chance things will work out if she doesn't what to talk about it to you or anyone else. Do you think she's still taking the antidepressant?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

yes, she started in november and had to be taken for 6 months so I assume that she`s syill on them although I`m not with her so I can`t really tell.

Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 5 years ago.
It seems the current medication isn't giving her the relief she needs. Are you able to talk with her uncle to let him know she continues to be moody and unhappy? Many people need a combination of medications ,