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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I am struggling with my desire for more sex in my marriage.

Resolved Question:

I am struggling with my desire for more sex in my marriage. My wife has very little interest. It is very frustrating and causes tension. We have discussed this at length but nothing ever changes. I am considering finding sex outside the marriage. I am very torn about this. I love my wife very much. But, I just don't understand her lack of interest.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 5 years ago.
This is very understandable why you may be frustrated with this. However, going outside of the marriage will not help the situation. Even though you may feel better it will be temporary and will only lead to more problems. She may be going through issues with herself that has nothing to do with you at all. I have seen that sometimes women when they had lots of sex when young may be turned off by it, or if they were sexually abused when younger. In some other cases I see that some women feel if they have children they will be dirty if they have sex. There are others that just feel unattractive and embarrassed. In general I also see that women put sex as not a top priority in a relationship. They enjoy more emotional while men physical. This is not always the case, but I do see that as well. I do not know if your wife suffers from any of there issues I mentioned, but thought I would let you know in case, so you can have more insight. If she does then I think you should communicate openly and she should seek counseling. Otherwise you can try to make it romantic. Try doing things that lead up to the main event. Take your time and make her feel special. Try to switch things up and surprise her. Things may take a turn for the better. You both can also try counseling since there could be underlying issues that is more than meets the eye. Whatever you do it is best to not go outside the marriage. It will cause more issues and is dangerous as well. I wish you all the best!
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