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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I wish to build relationship for marriage. I am from a conservative

Resolved Question:

I wish to build relationship for marriage. I am from a conservative society which does not approve premarital sex or intimate relationships. The lady is just curiuos at maximum. But I tried to do her some big favors to win her attention (like putting 100 hours for her to help her). Does this work?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

It is positive that you would try to help someone to let her know that you like her. A healthy relationship is built on honesty and kindness so that is a good start. If you wish to have a relationship then you have to gradually transition to finding intimacy in the way that is appropriate for you. You have to take the relationship beyond doing each other favors and more on a romantic level. This means finding a way to date her that results in a monogamous relationship. it is easy to slip into friendship when you are helping each other out. You have to take it a stage beyond that. Let her know that you want to see her romantically and you have certain values that need to be acknowledged and respected. You have the ability to decide with her how this relationship will progress. Nothing says that sex determines the course of a relationship. Approach her and let her know you want to take this to the next level.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
How can I know that she is not abusing my kindness for herself and if she understands that why I am doing this for her?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Answer came too late.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Why the answer is not coming?
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
The only way to know anything is by being honest with her about your concerns. You don't know if she is abusing this kindness unless you ask and judge for yourself what she tells you. You always take a chance on love. As you experience different relationships one learns to look at someone's behavior and know whether they are taking advantage. For now if you don't have a lot of experience then ask. If your intuition tells you that you are being taken advantage of than there is a possibility that you are. You have to ask her where she sees you in terms of relationship versus friend.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.


It wont be a good idea to ask directly, as this will put her under the pressure to decide quickly. Otherwise as though she is very conservative and does not want to build a formal relationship outside the marraige, then the only way to remain is 1-To ask directly if she thinks of marriage at all? 2- To contniue to become closer to her by sacrificing my personal time and probably win her trurst. 3- For some reason I feel that she wont accept if I ask her to go out, either she is not interested or too conservative to go out very early in the relationship. She just limits the social contacts to work related contacts (which is her work) but somehow also has invited me out during which she is very formal but friendly. Nevertheless, it was not necessary to go out and my assumption was that she wanted to know me better. She is not abusing me becuase she repeatedly offered money in return of my work...


My question is mainly how I can figure out if she is really interested in me?