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Ask-Rivka, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 57
Experience:  Licensed Social Worker
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am a male 59 single for a long time divorced for 19 years(

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am a male 59 single for a long time divorced for 19 years( since 1993) and no long term relationship since 2000 .I have no desire to date women close to my age any longer. I have done it several times and either I lose interest after one or two dates or they get too busy.I find older women to be very bitter, too controlling or totally unattractive physically. The good ones are taken! I live in Colorado( Denver metro area). I have been told many times I look close to late 40s or early 50s at the oldest. I am in in decent shape and present myself well. .( yes I have tried e-harmony, and a few others.) So the real problem is I have become very good friends with two dear younger women( both 23) One I have known for 4 years and the other about a year.One girl is married and the other girl, the one I have known for 4 years has a boyfriend for about a year. Well we started hanging out together about 4 months ago and seem to have bonded.well lately I have developed strong feelings for the girl ( Kayla the one I have known for 4 years) and it is getting difficult for me to keep it as just friends. I am more attracted to her beauty physically and as a person and a vibrant young women than sexually.So what I am thinking of is to discontinue the friendship with Kayla. since My emotions are in a tizzy! However my fear is I would also lose Bri as a friend but i am not sure. I do treat the girls well and we have fun but I get a sense they are not gold diggers. If they are they hide it very well! so please help~!! Thanks! perhaps I am running from emotions I have not felt in a long time?


Oh and why I feel they are not golddiggers is they have gotten me gifts of appreciation and also have offered to pay for dinners or lunch on several occasions which I have accepted but only twice!( yes I am old fashioned)

Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ask-Rivka replied 5 years ago.
Hi there- I guess it sounds from what you wrote that the women are only interested in you as a friend. Given that one is married and the other is in a serious relationship, it seems that they are only interested in you that way. That being said, it's perfectly normal for friends to fall for each other because of the close emotional bond that they have formed. I would encourage you to tell Kayla how you feel because keeping it inside and continuing the platonic relationship would be difficult on your emotions. If she does not wish to be in a romantic relationship with you, it may be too hard to remain friends at that point.

Secondly, it sounds like you're looking for a romantic relationship... i presume... since you talked about dating and dating websites. I would probably assume that the married one is only interested in being friends with you unless she has said otherwise. That being said, I would continue to look elsewhere for a romantic relationship (continue with websites, talk to friends for recommendations, etc) since I'm not sure either of these women will necessarily develop into the type of relationship it sounds like you're looking for. I hope this helps. Let me know if I can help you further. Good luck.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for your reply. I always had a bit of school boy crush on Kayla and I have been hard on myself the past few weeks for starting to fall for her. But as you said sometimes friends do fall for each other. I agree it would be too hard for me to be just friends with her so I will send her an e-mail telling her what I feel and if she chooses to not be just friends anymore that is fine.( although will be sad) As far as Bri in concerned( the married girl) I have no intention of breaking up a marriage !
Expert:  Ask-Rivka replied 5 years ago.
Great. I'm so glad you feel good about your decision. Please accept my answer if you are satisfied with my help. Good luck to you!
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