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JaRee1993, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 180
Experience:  I am a licensed Mental Health Counselor who does individual, group, relationships, family and pastoral counseling
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I am divorced because of my actions and I have lost 4 relationships

Resolved Question:

I am divorced because of my actions and I have lost 4 relationships since my divorce because of my actions. I am looking for help because I want to be happy and love someone. I am so sad and really taking it hard. I feel worthless and do not want to do it again. I'm 43 and have a great job but this job keeps we away for long periods of time and by myself. I think too much during this time. These thoughts effect those relationships and being away kills relationships.

I'm not bad looking and a lot to give someone. I have lashed out and blamed it all on everyone else till this last breakup. I lashed out but know I did most of it.

She was amazing and hung in longer than I ever could have expected. I'm going into a thought process that is scaring me. I am just sad and worried about being alone.

What do I need to do? talk to someone and get better. I have never been a whimp and always handled e earthing in my life no matter what.

Not this.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JaRee1993 replied 5 years ago.

JaRee1993 :

Hi, thank you for contacting Just Answer. My name is Ja`Ree and I am a mental health counselor. I would like to try to assist you with finding your answer.


JaRee1993 :

Can you tell me how much time you are away and what it is going through your mind when you're away? Also can you tell me what usually causes the break ups in your relationship?

JaRee1993 :

I see you just went off line. If you could assist me with those answers to enable me to get the bigger picture then I would be glad to try and help you find your answer and solution to your problem so that you can build the kind of relationship with someone that you are looking for. Also, can you tell me if you are male or female. I will look forward to hearing from you. Thank you, Ja`Ree

Customer: I am at work now
Customer: I have about 10 min before I have to pay attention
Customer: I really want to talk to you. I didn't expect to be busy for another hr.
Customer: Male. I always look at other women and I don't think I found the one yet. I won't open and trust enough.
Customer: I had unconditional love and blew it
Customer: I cheated.
Customer: I work offshore and I feel no woman will be true I keep getting cheated on when I'm away
Customer: I'm away 28 days home 14. Drinking is usually main reason I act like I do
Customer: I like to be fun but and a little wild but I do dumb things when drunk that tend to ruin situation
JaRee1993 :

Do you think that you a woman can't be true when you are away because of having been cheated on? Do you cheat on who you are with when you are away?

Customer: Just really sad because I want a sole mate but as soon as I get close I run and do things to kill relationship
JaRee1993 :

How long have you been divorced?

Customer: No I really believe women get to a point and cheat so as soon as I feel relationship going bad I get a backup plan
Customer: I got caught with backup and that killed it for us. She may never have even dine anything
Customer: 5 years
JaRee1993 :

Is another woman your back up plan? I am a little confused

Customer: Yes another. I dont like to be alone
JaRee1993 :

So, maybe it is possible you are thinking that because you find it difficult to not cheat that the woman is the same way. Is that possible?

Customer: Yes
JaRee1993 :

How long have you been divorced

Customer: 5 years
Customer: One relation ship 6 months then 6 month then 3 1/2 years.
JaRee1993 :

How long were you married? Did you cheat while you were married and did you think she was cheating?

Customer: I didn't cheat till end. But thought about it. I caught her then I did
Customer: With her 17 years married 13
Customer: Faithful for 15
JaRee1993 :

That would also cause you to be very leery of trusting someone. It is possible that you have not found the right person, however, I also believe that you need to find someone you can talk to on a regular basis that can help you work through your pain ( I believe you are still hurting from ex wife cheating) let go of the past and develop the skills you need to not fear being alone to enable you to not cheat and to give you the time to find the right person that you can trust and that you know she can trust you. Does that make sense?

Customer: Yes but how do u date and not cheat. It's dating?
Customer: Yes I need to see someone. I get really sad I want back what I had but it will never work
JaRee1993 :

If you choose to date someone and do not want to cheat, then you need to be willing to be in a non exclusive relationship until you know she is the one you really want to be with. However, you need to let her also be in a non exclusive relationship with you. Then it is not cheating

Customer: I want exclusine
Customer: I don't have enough time to date multiple people and work and schoool
Customer: I want to go back to convience. Wow that's what we had a convent relationship. I wasn't in love
JaRee1993 :

I would like for you to call your local mental health board where you live and ask them for the name and number of your local mental health agency to find a counselor you can talk with. I do not think you are going to be able to have a healthy relationship until you can move past the pain and let go of the past. There is too much going on for you right now for you to have the kind of relationship you are looking for. It will not be easy to work through the pain, but the relationship that you are wanting will require you to be free of the past. Does that make sense?

Customer: Yes.
Customer: Very much so
Customer: I don't trust.
Customer: What do I do about the feelings sadness wanting regrets.
JaRee1993 :

That is why I want you to find a counselor that can help you work on your pain and letting go so you can trust. Please find someone as soon as you can so you can be free of the past and be ready for that right woman when she comes along.

Please let me know if I can assist you further in this. If this answer has helped you then please press the Accept button at the bottom of the page so that I can be paid by Just Answer. Also, please fill out the feedback form so that I can know how to better serve our customers. Again, thank you for contacting Just Answer.

Customer: I leaned on her for everything now she won't talk heart to heart she is nice but hello is all igrt
Customer: if you can answer my last question I am all good thank u
Customer: Sadness regrets and the ups and downs are killing me
Customer: I have 28 days alone with only a phone and computer.
JaRee1993 :

Then please find someone who can help you work through this. It is not something you will be able to do talking for a short period of time online. It will take some time working on it on a regular basis. Make the phone call as soon as possible and begin to work toward living the life you want. I hope you will follow through and make this phone call and find the right counselor that can assist you in this.

If this answer has helped you then please press the Accept button at the bottom of the page so that I can be paid by Just Answer. Also, please fill out the feedback form so that I can know how to better serve our customers. Again, thank you for contacting Just Answer.

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