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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3497
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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My ex boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago now. He wanted

Customer Question

My ex boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago now. He wanted to remain friends and I tried to do that. He would mostly just call late at night when he was finished having a couple of beers with his friends. He would ask to spend the night at my house so he didnt hve to drive home but nothing romantic would ever happen and he would leave the next morning and I wouldnt hear from him for several days when he was out having a few beers again and was tired. I told him I could not do that anymore and asked him to just pay back the money he owed through automatic transfers into my account. He never agreed and yet kept paying by putting in my mailbox. Recently he called to say he was going yo drop off the money at my house, I knew he had a cold so I asked if he wanted me to come pick it up from him since he was probably resting. He said no thats ok. When he came to my house I didnt answer door although it appeared I was home because my car was here. I just stayed quiet and knew I shouldnt see him because it is still paintful that we are not together anymore and how disrespectfully XXXXX XXXXX me in the attempt at friendship. He dropped the money and then 30 minutes later sent a text message saying that he was finished trying to be friends because he knocked, saw my car and I didnt answer. I responded with a text saying that it was his decision to no longer see eachother, that he had said we just dont work and now I believed he was right. I told him I did not want to continue that kind of friendship either and I still loved him as he said he did me a couple of times. I am just curious as to why he would send the text to no longer want friensdhip since he knew we barely had one anyway? WHy not just stop calling after beer time with the boys?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.
Hello, thank for joining me. Please forgive any typos as I get very immersed in my work with you and sometimes my brain goes faster than my fingers.
This man is very self-involved and wants you around when he needs you or something from you. your gut is right here and you will probably do better keeping the boundary you have set with him. You didn't feel like answering the door? That's ok because you knew it would be painful and you were protecting yourself. You have good instincts here and so I would trust them.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you, I am still curious as to why he might send that message versus just not calling again? Do you have any insight into the thoughts of a man or might it be better to have a male counselor input?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.
Many times people send messages rather than calling because of a lack of courage and talk in an open and honest way. He does not seem to straightforward in a way that he could call rather than text.