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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3443
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR 5 MONTHS AND I DELVED INTO MY GIRLFRIENDS

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I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR 5 MONTHS AND I DELVED INTO MY GIRLFRIENDS PAST WHERE SHE HAD AN AFFAIR WITH A MARRIED MAN AND NOW SHE FOUND OUT I WAS R SPEAKING TO HES WIFE AND NOW I HAVE HURT HER AND SHE NOW CANT FORGIVE ME. I HAVE TO GIVE HER SPACE AND TIME TO THINK. I HAVE REALLY HURT HER BECAUSE I DUG UP HER PAST IT WAS A 3 YR AFFAIR AND ENDED LAST JAN BUT SHE STILL LOVES ME BUT ITS NOT STRONG. SHE HAS ENDED IT WITH ME AND SHE JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WHICH I TOLD HER GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE. I JUST WANT HER BACK. WHAT SHALL I DO.

CoachJenK :

Hello, thank for joining me. Please forgive any typos as I get very immersed in my work with you and sometimes my brain goes faster than my fingers.

CoachJenK :

In order to delve into her past you went so far as to speak with the woman of the husband with whom she had an affair? did she tell you about the affair or you did your own research.

Customer:

she told me all about it

CoachJenK :

Ok and then why did you feel the need or desire to snoop further.?

CoachJenK :

Are you with me?

Customer:

yes

CoachJenK :

tell me what your thoughts are? I imagine how painful this is for you

Customer:

it is very painful because i love her very much and i keep thinking about it

CoachJenK :

And I think because she has had an affair it raised your worries and mistrust and caused you to dig deeper.

CoachJenK :

But, we need to be sensitive about her feelings as well as this was part of her past and even while she told you about it you still went further behind her back. that can be a painful experience and I know that you are sorry and are hurting for what you did.

Customer:

yes in a way i do trust her and she admits to having an affair and she regrets everything shes done. i am sorry

CoachJenK :

I do thinks some space and time will do both of you well and letting her know how you feel and how sorry you are for your actions can go a long way especially if you let her see your vulnerability around it and how hearing it raised your anxieties for your relationship with her.

Customer:

she is really cut up about it

CoachJenK :

I hear your pain and I am so sorry you are in it. we all make some mistakes at times and it is what we do with them that counts and you really do sound like you understand where you went wrong and I can see you understand her position as well.

CoachJenK :

I know that she is and her feelings are valid.

Customer:

i am giving her space and time at the moment but she is still talking to me via text

CoachJenK :

I commend you for looking at your behavior and trying to work through this with her.

CoachJenK :

Well all of that is a good sign and it tells you that she still loves you but needs some time to repair her trust in you.

CoachJenK :

What about going to a life coach together to get back on track? short term that can really be helpful.

Customer:

i think i will carry on with what we are doing and see where it goes i want her back so badly she knows this

CoachJenK :

Ok. Keep reassuring her as I am sure you have. Come back anytime if you need more support and if you found our time together please click accept and provide feedback too.

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