Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship
This answer was rated:

I know I will never b as beautiful as the woman my husband

cheated on me with....
I know I will never b as beautiful as the woman my husband cheated on me with. How can I stay with him and be happy?
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 28 minutes by:
2/2/2012
psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6,893
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
Verified

You should try to focus on what is important in this situation which is why your husband cheated. I understand your feelings. It can feel that way following this traumatic situation. I would focus on finding out from your husband why he cheated. This will give you a chance to find out how he sees this incident. At that time also disclose to him your feelings of insecurity. Let him reassure you which may help with these feelings.

 

You may find that this cheating has triggered insecurities that you have relative to her. This is why marriage counseling would be very helpful. You could focus on the reason for his choices and the feelings you have regarding her physical attractiveness. You can then restart the relationship from a better perspective. That will adequately help you put the physical appearance in perspective.

 

Please press accept; this is the only way I am compensated

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago
This happened a long time ago and I am still struggling obviously- but re your answer I have asked him and he says he doesn't know why? and at the time (over 20 years!!) I said it was because she was prettier and he agreed at the time but now says he doesn't remember that. But the simple fact is she is and I want to know how I can live with that and b happy to be with him? also the second part of your answer I didn't really understand? focusing on his choices and the feelings I have regarding her physical attractiveness? - thank u
What I was saying was that you should focus on why he chose to cheat rather than the attractiveness factor. Her physical appearance may not have been the factor that attracted him. It may have been another feature altogether. If you have not resolved this as a couple for this long you may want to see a counselor and have this discussion in front of a professional. It gives you are new perspective
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago
we have seen a counselor and I am still c ing her on my own and we r working on my selfesteem but i still have the feeling that I will never get over the pain of the fact of her attractiveness??
Customer reply replied 5 years ago
Relist: Incomplete answer.
etoddlpc
etoddlpc, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5
Experience: Marriage counseling, communication
Verified
Hi. I was looking over you situation. I do agree that you need to build your self esteem and sense of self worth. However, I think focusing on this woman's physical appearance is only going to continue to worry you. I would focus on the situation behind the affair, why your husband says that he cheated in the first place, the circumstances, etc. Work on forming that emotional connection with your husband in repairing your relationship. I know it can be such a painful experience, but you and your husband can work through this. There comes a point where you choose to forgive and work on moving forward and part of this forgiving involves not focusing on this woman's apperance. Hope this helps!
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

ok it has kind of helped my head knows what u r saying is right but really I'm still stuck -like choosing to forgive I can say it but how do i feel and believe it?? I just don't feel i can move on (it has been a long time) that it will always be there that feeling of him having wanted someone more attractive and I will never be able to attain that (unless i won the lottery)!

Customer reply replied 5 years ago
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Customer reply replied 5 years ago
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Ask Ashley
Ask Ashley, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18
Experience: Having built my reputation in this area of expertise, I have conducted workshops on relationships. Let's discuss your issues.
Verified
First of all, please know that inner beauty is so much more important than what's on the outside. From what you have said, it sounds like your husband is ugly within to have betrayed your trust. You did not deserve that.

In order to move past the affair, I would advise that you and your husband work together to try to strengthen your relationship. If your husband wants to make this work, he should be more than happy to make up for what he's done. This includes making you feel like the beautiful person you are. He should want to spoil you if he's truly sorry for what he's done, and he does not intend on repeating the cheating behavior.

One exercise to work on your relationship is to take some uninterrupted time everyday, and ask each other two questions:

1) What is it in the relationship that I am happy you are doing?
2) What about the relationship do I think you can improve upon?

Through this open and honest mode of conversation, trust can be rebuilt.
Ask Ashley
Ask Ashley, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18
Experience: Having built my reputation in this area of expertise, I have conducted workshops on relationships. Let's discuss your issues.
Verified
Ask Ashley and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Ask Ashley Your Own Question
Ask Ashley
Ask Ashley
Ask Ashley, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18
18 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Having built my reputation in this area of expertise, I have conducted workshops on relationships. Let's discuss your issues.

Ask Ashley is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

338 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
Before I was officially dating my boyfriend I was flirting
Before I was officially dating my boyfriend I was flirting with another guy while I was talking to my current boyfriend. I never told him and tried to hide it. Now he knows and is questioning my trust… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Is my gf avoidant attachment type or secure... or a little
Is my gf avoidant attachment type or secure... or a little of each? Im an insecure anxious attachment type for sure.... i always need reassurance and stuff from my gf... my gf in the beginning was alr… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
We are not dating but I've known him for 15 years, we met at
We are not dating but I've known him for 15 years, we met at work I thought he was good looking we hit it off as friends. He had me staying over his place a lot, then I found out he was gay/bi I start… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My question is about a possible beginning to a relationship.
Hello this is Brian, my question is about a possible beginning to a relationship … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Is it normal for your boyfriend to constantly have his ex
Is it normal for your boyfriend to constantly have his ex girlfriend come over to visit even though you tell him to it really bothers you… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
My girlfriend of 10 years suddenly broke up. I have
My girlfriend of 10 years suddenly broke up. I have chirldren with a previous partner and we still keep the family house and gather. But my family has not accepted my new partner 'although she is ever… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Boyfriend of 1 year newly divorced from unhappy 30+year
Boyfriend of 1 year newly divorced from long unhappy 30+year marriage told me he keeps thinking bout old girlfriend and how he has always wondered about her and how/where she is. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated
Hi. A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated very casually before he moved about 1 ½ years ago to California from Ohio & since then we really didn't stay in touch. So I was a bit s… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My wife goes to a high-end restaurant bar / restaurant on a
My wife goes to a high-end restaurant bar / restaurant on a Sunday for brunch, She start 3 hours and gets rather trashed with her alcoholic Mother of which we do not like each other. Keep in mind that… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Not sure how to move on from this if he cant trust me. Ok,
not sure how to move on from this if he cant trust me. Ok, My boyfriend and I and my two teenage daughters live together. I gave him the consent to record my daughter because we were trying to catch h… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I've never been in a real relationship and it just seems
I've never been in a real relationship and it just seems like I can't get any woman to like me or want to date me. I want to know how I can approach women and get dates? I'm really all about chivalry … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I have a problem i need an advice I met a man after really
Hello , i have a problem i need an advice I met a man after really hard time of separation with my husband . This man is separated too but he still in contact with his wife because of the kids ..any h… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I would like to know something. My wife of 35 yrs received a
my wife of 35 yrs received a very intimate necklace fro m anoth er women and she told her she was drawing inspiration from her just by wearing it what does that mean … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Mine is a pretty tricky but story. So I met this guy on
Hi Debra, Mine is a pretty tricky but long story. So I met this guy on Tinder, he was lovely. Our first date was amazing... we spoke for three weeks 24/7 before actually meeting up. There was an insta… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I have trouble getting along with my husband. We has mood
I have trouble getting along with my husband. We has mood swings. He is about to start a new job at a branch of Verizon (used to work at another branch) so we were talking in the car and he said he ha… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I fought over him maybe talking to his ex,
My boyfriend and I fought over him maybe talking to his ex, I kept texting him till he said leave me alone and then broke up with me.. can I get him back … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 months and I love
me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 months and I love him dearly, well on Tuesday something happened when I was texting one of my guy friends I didn't physically cheat on him, and there was no … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I have a new man in my life I have been dating for about 6
Jen, I have a new man in my life I have been dating for about 6 weeks. We see each other twice a week. He deeply cares for me and loves me. I also have love for him. I struggle with his immaturity. So… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x