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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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My ex and I have been broke up for a year we hung out a couple

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My ex and I have been broke up for a year we hung out a couple times recently and now he wants to work things out again. We broke up because he still talked to his ex and then when I confronted he started programming her number as a guys number in his phone so I have trust issues with him now he's always been apologetic and said that wasn't worth us breaking up so just when i thought he has changed . He was out of town for work and this is when he said he wanted to work things out when he got back he lied about what day he came back he came back on a Friday night instead of sat when he told me why lie about that if I already had plans ? I cursed him out and of course he said that's rude and what does it matter what time he came back I'm tempted to not speak to him again how can I say stop lying or else we will never work things out without making him think I'm a nag or that he won't tell me anything again?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
Hello. Of course you should have trust issues and feeling like he is a liar is very normal after what he has done. It sounds as though he has a problem with this and may not ever change his ways. You should not sound like a nag when you tell him how you feel about what he has done. He has lied. You should not worry about what he thinks about you being a nag. You should not worry at all about what he thinks about you. he is the one who made the mistake in the relationship, not you. If you both really want to work things out, that's fine, but he has to realize that he has to change his deceptive ways if it is to work. Working things out doesn't just mean getting back together; it means that both of you need to discuss the issues which caused the break up to begin with and find a resolution to those issues. You need to tell him that his lying about even the smallest thing is a problem. It may not be as big of a problem if he wasn't caught speaking to his ex in the past, but he needs to understand that because that happened, he is going to have to make an extra effort to regain your trust.
If he thinks that the lie about what night he came back is no big deal, then what else does he consider no big deal?? You have to decide if you want to continue on with him and go through the stress of him maybe not willing to change, or if you want to move on and find a man who respects you and only wants to be with you.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
am i just as bad for going through his phone initially to discover he still talked to his ex?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
What made you do that to begin with? Did he do something to cause you do be distrustful?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
If you went through his phone without cause, then both of you have trust issues. If you want to work it out and try to make your relationship work, then both of you are going to have to be willing to make some changes.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
we stopped having sex as much made me go through the phone, he blamed lack of sex on health issue
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
I think that you both need to figure out if you want to work on this relationship going forward or go your separate ways. You both have trust issues with each other, regardless of what happened and why. These issues must be discusses with each other and a compromise must be made as to how you want to deal with them. Trust is difficult to get back once it has been broken. Time is something that helps heal. Do you want to take the time to go through this with him? Do you think that it is possible for you to trust again?? If the answer is no or you aren't sure, then you need to move on to a healthy relationship.
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