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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3433
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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My ex split up with me a year ago, in September when I hadnt

Customer Question

My ex split up with me a year ago, in September when I hadn't been in contact with her for a month she got in contact via a fake facebook account to "see how I was", we emailed back and forth a bit and she started to like loads of stuff on my page and add some of my friends on her fake account. She's been living with the guy she basically broke up with me to be with, but has been asking how things are going for me. I kept it light and brief. Just after new yrs she told me that she had a shite new years cos he fella was shouting at her all night but when I asked why she just said it was pathetic-ness and to nevermind. So I deleted her fake account from my friends list and she asked why. I said cos it had been nearly a year and I didn't think we'd see each other again and asked if she did. she said "...I honestly don't know :("
She said she wanted her friend back (me), I said she has a new best friend now, she took a week or so to reply to that with "I do, yes. Didn't realise I couldn't have more than one friend though"
I didn't reply to that and a day later she'd deleted that account totally. So I left it at that. Then a week and a half later she emails me to say that " were right...I've made a huge mistake. Just wanted you to know."
I emailed her back asking what she meant and she just said "nevermind. I was out of order venting in your direction. Take care."
Any idea what the hell is going on?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.

JenK :

Hello, thank for joining me. Please forgive any typos as I get very immersed in my work with you and sometimes my brain goes faster than my fingers.

JenK :

This woman sounds very confused and somewhat manipulative. Her dishonesty is also striking to me. She had other ways of behaving to choose from. she could have chosen the straightforward path and sent you an email letting you know she was thinking of you, but rather she chose to create a fake account on FB to begin a dialogue with you. This does not say much for her abilities to be honest in a relationship whether it be friendship or something more intimate. She is currently involved with someone else but reaching out to you...again more dishonesty. You sound like a gentleman and were willing to accept this and even tried to support her though this space, but now she is pushing you away leaving you confused. There are reasons the relationship didn't work the first time and it doesn't sound like she is in a better space with her abilities to be straightforward and honest. The questions you need to ask yourself are is this the type of person you want in your life on any level? How willing are you to tolerate this kind of behavior? Are you looking to be the guy she comes to when she needs something but then shuts you out when you respond in a caring way? To be blunt here....I think you want and deserve more. Please let me know how else I can support you. My goal is to help you through this space.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
but what is she up to do you think?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.
I think she is so confused that she doesn't even know what she is up to. I do not see her moving back toward you with any honesty and my best advice would be to not get sucked into this behavior or way of relating.

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