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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
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Dating after a 10yr marriage

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I have been seperated from my husband for 2 years,and my divorce will be final next month. During the time I didn't date for over a year. I decided to take time to myself to deal with my emotions, and had 18 mo's of therapy. Four months ago I met an incredible guy who really got my attention. He's 37 divorced has 2 teenage boys (14 & 16)  with shared custody. I'm 39 and don't have any children.

He is the first person to awaken such a deep desire in me, since my last relationship. I have met others in between, but none that have really made me consider the possibility of having a relationship again. When we first met we had an instant attraction, great chemistry, constant communication and saw each other within 5 days of meeting, and a few times after that.

Then a little over a month ago our communication became a bit more distant. In other words not on a daily basis. It went from a few times a week to a couple times a month. I understan he's a busy person with perhaps more responsabilites due to his children. I just don't know how to interpret what may have changed, if anything. He had the same responsabilites when I met him, and he still managed to make a call or send me a message, and would reply to my messages.

 I haven't spoken to him for a couple weeks, I think of him often and find myself quite attracted to him.

However, I don't know if I should be the one to continue pursuing interaction or simply let him be the one who calls next. Especially if it was me who left him a message on New Years's and still haven't heard from him. This is one of the reasons I dislike dating! I don't like dealing with guessing. If I meet someone I know it's not going to go anywhere with. I let them know in the nicest way possible. When it comes to men, they just stop calling or call every  once in a while.

He is not showing sufficient interest to pursue him further. It is his turn, if he doesn't take his turn, take it as a message that he is not nearly as interested as you are. I am sure he is busy with two teens and all of life but there is always time for romance if one is motivated enough. Don't write him off all together as it may just be poor timing and something may come to fruition later. After your divorce is final try to be open to dating other men as well.

Sorry to say he just isn't feeling it like you are. Don't take it personal and keep moving forward with your life.

Mark Manley
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I agree that there's always time for romance. Unfortunately the language spoken by men and women is so different. When they say," I'll call you later" really means," I will call you eventually." Women, especially like more direct answers. For example, " I will call you tomorrow." This is what makes it so difficult at times when dating. I try to be understanding, patient, but often it has been taken for granted.

Although, he may have shown interest at first and said he liked me. This may not be a good time for either one of us. Besides, I should still just focust on how I'm going to move on with my life..on my own. Having things come to a hault like this, is not an easy pill to swallow when you really like someone. In this case only time will tell if,"somehting may come to fruition later" like you said.


Yes, I mean he could make time to for romance in his schedule if he wanted to. This is why I think he is not showing a lot of interest and you should just move on with your life and see if he calls you later. If he does call , don't expect him to be as interested in pursuing a relationship as you are because he isn't showing signs of that level of interest. I am sorry he is not reciprocating your level of interest.

Dating is not for cowards, you are right it can be hard work and painful too.

Best of luck to you.
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