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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I am divorced with 3 beautiful responsible daughters. For

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I am divorced with 3 beautiful responsible daughters. For 2 1/2 years I have dated my high school best friend. I love this man more than words can describle. He is my best friend... is kind and generous... and everything I could want from a partner. We do not live together or are we married... although both subject have been discussed. Here is the problem... his 16 year old daughter. I have known her since she was a little girl... we live in a small town and have even been her teacher. She used to love me and I was like her 2nd mom until I dated her father. Her own mother is in the picture but dad has primary placement due to the mothers drinking issues... which are very bad. His daughters life has not been ideal to say the least with her mother. Prior to him dating me ... he did date another woman she does have a strong attachment to ... she cares about her but in my opinion a slightly better version of her mom because she doesn't really have her life together either. The daughter is using drugs... just about anything she can get a hold of.... sex with anyone even older men in their 20s... fighting .... hanging out with some very questionable people as far as her safety. She is very angry with me... probably jealous because her dad loves me too.... she at this point won't even talk to me... probably because I will tell her dad what I know and I actually love her and want her to get her life together. She deserves better and her problems with her mom are no excuse not to do everything to get her a better life. Again we are not on talking terms and her dad feels sorry for her so he disciplines but then goes back. we are not seeing each other much at th is point due to his daughters hate of me. But we are still a couple. We see each other when we can and go away here and there but I am staying away from his house for now while he tries to be there for her. She needs more supervision and she needs him... otherwise she runs to moms where she gets none and does her self destructive behavior. Its very stressful on my relationship with him because we would like to be together even married. She had some counseling when younger... he's looking at his church for some help since his finances limit him as to what he can do. She is definately self destructive.... selfish... and manipulating our relationship. Her vow has been to break us up and get him back together with is ex girlfriend. He has told her that's not happening but she can have a relationship with is ex. His ex does care about her.... but she doesn't have her life fully together right now either... no job and legal problems and parties enough herself... let me say I am polar opposite of her mother and the ex girlfriend. I'm very kind and generous and I have my life for the most part together.... except for this. I respect her asking me to stay away and that I will never be family to her.... so be it if it need be. How do I get through this with the love of my life and help her. She doesn't have to love me and she can hate me forever I want her to get her life together. And I hate to see my guy going through this ... he keeps trying and she goes right back. She has a half sister age 19 with similar behaviors. He doesn't want to keep her from her sister.... I say she needs to get away from the people she does these things with. My guess is her sister and maybe mom have introduced her to this life. What to do for him and for her.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

It sounds like his life is very chaotic. Unfortunately children act out by behaving badly and sometimes target one person for their discontent. She seems to be of the school that negative attention is better than no attention. You can't stop her behavior right now. She has fixated her anger on you. Maybe because you are so different from her mom. Some of this anger may be towards the situation. She has a broken home now. And she focuses this anger on you. Sometimes children will see the girlfriend as the source of all her problems. You can't fix this because you are the imaginary source of the problem. The common denominator is her father. He has to fix this. Seeing someone in his church is a great idea. If this doesn't happen you can log onto the American Psychological Association and find a therapist near you. It may mean calling around for someone who does a fee sliding scale.


I think the situation is temporary since your partner has included you in this situation. I would communicate with him but let him handle it on his end.


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