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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I attempted to involve my boyfriends sibling

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I attempted to involve my boyfriend's sibling in an issue I'm having with him. I wanted to ask his sister for help in a problem that is alarming to me. She and I like each other but live miles away and don't talk regularly but he and she are very close. I wanted her to help him, if I cannot. We may breakup over this so I wanted her to know he possibly needs help. It took me days to decide to call her. I called and asked her to call me for a brief conversation about her brother. Unfortunately, she called him instead and said she did not want to be involved in our drama. I will respect her decision but now, this has created a further dilemma for me. She is likely leery of me. And he is annoyed that I called her in the first place. Not at all what I intended. I called her to apologize for attempting to get her involved and said I understood. Even though I don't! So, I am annoyed with entire situation. Am I right or wrong in this? And how do I repair things? Thanks.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

Involving family depends on the situation. For instance if he was using drugs it is quite common to call on all the resources such as family and get support from everyone. However if this is about conflict that the two of you were having as a couple then you were out of line. Calling family is usually not a bad idea in general. The reason is when the problem has been resolved or hasn't been resolved family is going to side with family and you are going to be the odd man out. You may be seen as involving other people in a couple's problems and they will still have their relationship as though nothing will happen. I don't know the circumstances and this has a bearing on the situation. You probably meant well but you risked the response which you got. Unless he is using drugs or something like that settle conflict between you and your partner. You meant well anyway


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

The issue is delicate in nature but serious. It is possible sex addiction. Not an easy issue to discuss. Even with him! I think he will deny it to me. I am sure he will. But signs point to this and I am alarmed. Odd behaviors have been escalating. I am ready to bail out of relationship but I don't want him to put himself in harmful situations. I do still love him. Any more thoughts on this? THanks much!

Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
Sexual addiction can be experienced as very embarrassing and very private. If this is the problem then you should not have gone to his family. Sexual interests and even more typical problems are embarrassing but a sexual addiction can be beyond any of this. Instead of family he should seek attention for this. There is Sex Addicts Anonymous or even traditional therapy. Help should be something productive that addresses the issue in private. If he isn't willing his sister isn't going to change that. Work this out as a couple instead.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I don't think he will get professional help. He is in denial and may be ashamed, etc or unable to stop. Very difficult indeed. His sister was only person I would risk telling this to as I am likely to leave the relationship. Not sure what else I can do. Thanks for your response.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I understand your position and I sympathize. I really do. I would get a copy of the Big Book from Sex Addicts Anonymous and discreetly give it him. Let him have it and walk away. You may be surprised
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I will do that. Good idea. It's all I can do for now. I feel I need to do something. Hope it helps. Thanks.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I will always be here.
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