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MrsRuss0114, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 215
Experience:  B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
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I confronted my boyfriend about the recorder and he denied

Resolved Question:

I confronted my boyfriend about the recorder and he denied putting it there and said he accidently lost and it that's where it ended up even though he couldn't explain why it was recording. He spent the weekend calling me a liar and cheater but yet today asks me for money and tells me if I learn to shut my mouth and not cause arguements we will do fine. I have no idea what to say, do or think anymore. I actually had to go to the ER over the weekend and was put on Xanax to help me cope with his yelling and screaming. He says I am causing all the issues.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  MrsRuss0114 replied 5 years ago.

MrsRuss0114 :

Hi Norma! I've received notification of the updated information you've shared and ask that you give me a moment to read and respond. I have a 10 a.m. meeting this morning and will get back online after that to respond.


Ok hopefully I will get the text response to come back on as soon as you return. Thank you!

MrsRuss0114 : Hi Norma, sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you but it was a very busy day at work and I didn't get a chance to get back on.
MrsRuss0114 : To be very honest with you, if you don't end this relationship, things are likely to get worse. When you try to assert some boundaries at this point, it may anger him to the point of physical violence. It's time for you to end things. If you feel threatened I suggest going to the police for assistance getting him out of your home.
MrsRuss0114 : Like I shared when we talked before, you deserve better and this man will continue to live off of you as long as you allow him to do so.
MrsRuss0114 : Recorders don't just accidentally end up on record in a vehicle. They have to be placed there and his response really is an insult to your intelligence.
MrsRuss0114 : Let me know what time you can be on tomorrow. I have some meetings in the a.m. But can double check throughout the day. Hope to talk to you soon!
MrsRuss0114 : I'm here.

thank you - I can be on at any point during the day.




I appreciatete the response

MrsRuss0114 : We can chat now depending on what works best for you.

now is fine I just feel like I'm dying here


he tells me I am the cause of everything because of what I say to him but quite honestly I don't know what I say

MrsRuss0114 : Okay, we'll chat now. I have a meeting at 7:45 pm and if we're not finished we can set a time to chat again tomorrow.


MrsRuss0114 : I think he's trying to use that so he doesn't have to take responsibility for his actions and behaviors.

I try telling him I'm not lying to him and he gets very angry and tells me I'm a liar because I lied to him about the one time I was with someone


he now thinks I'm sleeping with my exhusband because I take my grandson there to visit and help him somtimes because he is 62 with a lot of heart problems

MrsRuss0114 : I'm sure he doesn't feel like the man he may pretend to think that he is. He has to rely on you to live and he takes those feelings out on you because in addition to that, he can't be the man he should.

yes he has said that before but I can't say or do anything right for him

MrsRuss0114 : These are all his insecurities because of where he is in life.

I am not on Zanax to help me cope with dealing with him because I started having panic attacks and ended up in the ER


so I guess what I'm asking is there any hope or something I may be doing that is causing this.

MrsRuss0114 : You can't fix it for him. And it won't be better until he does something to improve his circumstances.

he has certainly been very convincing and takes no responsibility for the recorder or any actions on his part

MrsRuss0114 : Unfortunately, I don't see any hope. Fortunately, it's nothing you're doing to cause this.

ok - I do know I have tried


I feel like the abused woman that keeps sticking with it even though she is being beat - never been like this before

MrsRuss0114 : You now have to do what's best for your physical, emotional and mental health.

yes and I will and appreiate once again your input

MrsRuss0114 : You have a good heart and wanted to give it all you have and you've done that. You can't sacrifice yourself for someone who can't give you what you need because he can't even give himself what he needs.

very true and thank you!

MrsRuss0114 : Not a problem. I'll be here if you need me!
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