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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I just met someone three weeks ago and he was very interested

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I just met someone three weeks ago and he was very interested and so was I. Bought me flowers, took me out to dinner, treated me really nice. The last time we went to dinner, we finished and sat at the bar. He is a very social person, owned a bar in the past and still frequents them. We were discussing an issue between ourselves that was kind of funny, and then he brought the bartender (female) into the conversation. They started discussing the topic and it went on for quite a while. They were engaged in the conversation and I tried to ask him something and he didn't respond because he was busy talking to the woman. I guess I got a little frustrated and went to the bathroom. He probably knew that I was a little upset and when I got back he said he was ready to leave, so we did. As we were walking out I asked him if he was good friends with her or if they were related and he said that he just knew her from seeing her there and out at other places. So that was the end of the conversation and he drove me home. I thanked him for a nice night and I got out of the car and went inside my home. After that night, he never called to wish me happy holidays, so I emailed him and he was pleasant and responded. I then offered him out to the movies with me and he said yes, so we went to the movies. I drove and paid. Never discussed anything about the incident. Pleasant night, and I went home. He still didn't call after that, so I emailed him to say Happy New Year's Eve. He responded again pleasantly. I still have not heard from him and I don't think I should call him anymore because he is not taking the initiative. I really didn't want it to turn out this way and I'm hurt and feel like it was all my fault and I ruined it. Should I keep pursuing him or leave it alone? Thanks!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

You should consider the incident in question. You may have overreacted a little but he was at least a little rude as well. Usually early in the relationship the other person is very intent on making the date feel special even when in public. You want that person to like you and your company. Usually the relationship is at its best and you want the person to feel special. If he is already ignoring you that is a sign of things to come. Not taking the initiative is also a problem. When one person puts forth all the effort then that person ends up feeling resentful. This too is a problem if it is already happening. He should want you to know that he wants to go out by showing you that he can take the initiative. He is not doing that and is has only been several weeks.


I think these are red flags and a sign of things to come. If there are these issues when a relationship is fresh then what is down the line may be worse. I think he sounds insensitive and that is not a quality you want in a partner. I would consider moving on. He may not even notice.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for your response. It's hard for me to understand because he was "over the moon" over me. He really went out of his way to be with me and spent a lot of money on dinners, etc. For him to now just close the door over that one incident makes me feel like I really did something so wrong. That's why I feel so bad. I guess moving on is the only thing I can do because he will never call again and I shouldn't beg him to. I guess I just wanted to make sure that I shouldn't be trying harder.