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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 yrs now we

Customer Question

me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 yrs now we have a beautiful 4 month old daughter, but I have issues about my boyfriends ex (but technically current) wife seeing as how they are not divorced the 1st 2 yrs we have solely cared for his now 5 yr old daughter then the ex came back from Tahiti ( her country of origin) agreed to divorce him seeing as it is she had left him long before me and him met, but then after a year of custody battles and just signatures away from finalizing it she left for tahiti with the daughter (2 weeks after they left i found out i was pregnant) and have remained there since... my daughter has never met her older sister, they are still married and he is not doing anything to divorce her because he does not have money for a lawyer but he hasnt done enough on his own I think for him to say that, i dont know if it is the anger that comes when he thinks about his daughter that keeps him from putting more effort in this or his lack of interest in me and my daughter... what should I do our relationships has so many holes from dealing with his ex and previous relationship i feel ashamed to be myself around him because all I can think is that he is comparing everything i do and I think that because of how many times he word vomited and told me tales of his ex both good and bad and the exciting adventures they had, especially since tahiti is his favorite place, he has not told stories for a while now but we have also stopped talking like that was the only thing he could talk about, did my jealousy cause this or has this caused my jealousy? what should I do I want to leave but I dont... any suggestions?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

If he isn't divorcing her it isn't because of money. He can leave and be part of your family whether he has paperwork or not. Not only is he there but the fact that he hasn't followed through with the divorce is evidence enough that he isn't ready. He may be stuck emotionally in this relationship with her but in reality it doesn't matter. The bottom line is that he has to make a choice. Sometimes relationships fail simply because of timing. That may be the case in this situation. He feels stuck but he isn't ready to move on either.


For your relationship to work he has to really want to make a choice. He has to know what he wants and he has to see it through. You can't do that for him. If you feel that the ex is so intrusive that you feel compared to her then that is a significant issue. You may not be able to put her out of your mind enough to enjoy the relationship. This can be resolved but he has to want to resolve it.


It sounds like your decision has been made by his inability to follow through. Maybe it's time to let him go and realize that he just isn't ready to be happy with someone other than his ex.


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