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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I have been through the most horrific eighteen months - my

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I have been through the most horrific eighteen months - my boyfriend and I have been together for 11 years and he employed a girl of 28 (he's 42) to help his signage business. It seemed that she helped it in more ways than one as he finally admitted to having an affair with her - this was after he had the audacity to bring her, her husband and her kids to my property. He has been taking her away to hotels and seemed to live one life during the day over a weekend, taking her and the kids to restaurants with his friends and then coming home to me at night. I finally threw in the towel after fighting tooth and nail for him for 18 months and just believing he was going through a mid life crisis. He announced that she has him "sold on the idea of a child of his own". I just can't believe that I dedicated 11 years to this man and he's going to live with her, raise her young children (mine are 13 and 17 and he's really the only dad they've known), has forgotten about us and the plot with all the animals we acquired together. The affair according to him was mostly my fault - she is kinder and nicer than me and wants to stay at home and raise babies - I am very driven and career minded and want to be financially secure. I know that there has been a mammoth amount of emotional abuse but I just don't know how to get over this - the pain has been indescribable and I'm waiting for the "she's pregnant" phone call - no doubt there will be one. I feel like a pitiful, pathetic lost cause!!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

You have to accept that he is the problem. Your methods have taken on the responsibility for this on yourself. You can't be what he wants if he is a cheater who has disregarded all of your efforts. The key now is to accept that you are not a loser and you are not the problem. What he has done is make you the problem but you can't behave or feel that way as well. He has taken a relationship and trashed it. That is all him! He may want children but it isn't about that. It is about him sowing his oats with a 20 something. He will probably wake up one day with kids at his heels and realize that he is a horrible person. When you take on everything then he takes on nothing.


She may get pregnant, but what if he loses interest in her. He is capable of this. Sometimes the mistress is the one looking very stupid. You have to find someone to talk to because this is rocking your self confidence. You deserve a honest healthy relationship who is dedicated to you. He isn't it anymore. Find someone to talk to and move away from the impact this is having on your life. You deserve a faithful person


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