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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Hello ive been having trust issues with my girlfriend, and

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Hello i've been having trust issues with my girlfriend, and i need to know if she's fooling around with other people behind my back. Me and her have a long distance relationship, and we've known and been friends with each other for a little more over than a year. She's 20, and i'm 19. We made it official about 3 or 4 months ago, but i broke up with her because i went to her profile one night, and saw 3 guys saying things that they would only say if they were in a relationship. I confronted her about it, and she said she didn't know what i was talking about, and that her friends always talk to her like that to her.(All their comments were deleted.). I didn't believe so i broke up with her. After about a week, i came back to her, and i told her i still loved her, and wanted to be with her, and she said okay. So we made up, and now we're here today. Like 2 weeks ago, she has been acting different. Like not wanting to talk to me as much anymore, making excuses that she's too tired to talk, or that she has been really busy and she doesn't call me sweet names anymore, and she used to always call me sweet names. I'm the one that initiates the conversations 90% of the time. One night, we were actually talking for a long time, and i fell asleep on her by accident, but i got up and she was still up. I told her, "I'm sorry babe, i fell asleep, but i'm awake again." She said, "It's fine, goodnight". I knew she was mad, so i apologized some more with 3 text messages, but she never replied back. I told her, "I love you." But she never replied back. And she alwayyyyss says that before she goes to bed. The next day,, i texted her at around 10:00 in the morning, and i asked her, "How come you never replied back last night? You didn't even tell me you loved me." She said, "Oh, i fell asleep as soon as i replied back to you, sorry." Then i told her, "How come you didn't reply back to me when you got up today?" She said, "i don't know, i'm just really busy right now, i'll text you later." I waited for about 3 hours, until i sent her a text message saying, "Are you hiding something from me?" She replied under 5 minutes saying "Why would i hide anything from you? Sorry, i was in a car wreck." I didn't believe her. (I''ve caught her in a lot of lies the whole time we've been friends, but she always has an excuse to back it up.) Well we got into a huge fight, and then i told her, "There's something else bothering me. Those 3 guys that said those things to you are still floating in my mind. I think you're cheating on me with these 3 guys, and that's the truth of how i feel, because you've been acting different, and when i ask you what's wrong, you just say you've been busy. So are you cheating on me?" She replied back saying, "I would never cheat on you. I'm not like that." While she was telling me this, i logged onto my Myspace, and by curiousity, i visited her profile. I saw another guy comment on her old status(she doesn't update her Myspace anymore like she always used to, but she still gets on her IM.). This other guy replied to one of her friends comments because he called her sweetie, and he said, "Don't be calling my girl sweetie." And the same guy commented on another one of her status, and he blew her a kiss, and that other guy replied to him saying, "Don't be blowing my girlfriend kisses bitch. She's mine faggot." I told her to check her Myspace, and look at what that guy said, then i told her, "Is that what your stupid ass friends talk to you? What do you got to say about that? Are you dating someone else behind my back? 4 guys have already done this." She got mad, and replied, "I'm not a f**king whore, i don't know why he said that, i don't know why everyone says that. Stop being so damn convinced by these guys, and believe your girlfriend." Before we started talking about this, i told her to delete those 3 guys earlier, but she said they were her friends. Anyways,
I replied to her saying, "Don't lie to me, i want you to tell me the truth, and start acting like a mature woman, and be honest with me." She replied, "i am telling you the truth, f**k! Do you want me to delete my Myspace? I'm not cheating on you. I'm not a slut that will open her legs to any one that calls me pretty, do you think that? Did i hit it right on the f**king nose? But f**k it. Run from me. Run from me, AND DON'T COME BACK! I knew you'd hurt me again." I didn't reply back for a couple of hours, and told her how i felt, and why i thought she was cheating on me. She just told me, "Should have believed me.... Now you got me depressed and i feel like shit." After we talked about it, we got back together. And she also deleted her Myspace.. But she has a cell, and i know those guys do as well.
This is eatting me up inside, and i don't know what to do. Do you think she's cheating on me? I love her very much, and she tells me she feels the same, but i can't get those guys out of my head. What should i do? Please help me. I'm sorry for it being long.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
Hello. Your relationship sounds like a complete wreck. You both need to do some serious changing if you want this to work. You obviously have some serious trust issues which at least you can admit. By confronting her as you have, this could be the reason that she has changed. Being accused of something you didn't do is very hurtful. I can't say if she is or is not cheating on you, no one can but her. She seems to be distancing herself from you because of how you act towards her. By going through her things and questioning everything, you are pushing her further away. Being in a long distance relationship doesn't help matters, but I think you both need a break from each other. You need to relax and work on your trust issues. Everything that you read or hear is not always as it seems. You need to take a few minutes to think about things before you react. She can't control what other people put on her MySpace. People say things. if she said she wasn't cheating, you need to leave it at that. The fact you can't get these guys out of your head is your issue, not hers. If you distrust her that much, then you need to not be with her at all. You say you love her, but trust is a huge part of love. I don't have her side to go on, I only have what you have written here, so it is difficult to say what she has going on. No one on this forum can tell you if your girlfriend is cheating on you. Take some time. Relax. Start again with her and be rational. Trust is a hard thing sometimes, but you just have to do it. Unless you have proof for sure that anything is going on, you have to take her word for it. Stop going through her personal stuff online. It will drive her away and make you crazy as you interpret everything to be worse than it is because you already have that mindset. If she lies to you, it could be because she is a bad person and a liar, or it could be because she is afraid of you and your reaction. Do you want to be with a liar? Does she want to be with someone who doesn't trust her? You both need to rethink this entire relationship, you don't seem to have a very good foundation based on what you say.
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