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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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I am having trouble in my relationship with my girlfriend.

Customer Question

I am having trouble in my relationship with my girlfriend. We have been dating for 11 months now. we dont really fight or argue at all with each other. We just had our first argument few weeks ago and i think it is giving doubts about us in her mind. My girlfriend has hormonal imbalance and frequently has the symptoms that comes with it. The firs few months were okay and i did not know about her issues. However, when she started going to a new doctor to treat it things have gone bad. Also she has other issues going on in her life such as job and family issues. I have always been there for her and shown her that she can trust me. Recenty we got into a conversation and she told me she has been having doubts if we are a good match. few days before, she said she was staying with me and thankful that i was in her life. She says i have all she needs in her life and am a potential to be the one. But she says she is scared that i wont become the person due to my personality. I have been having a lot of stress due to my old job and currently working on a startup bussiness that stresses me out of my mind. This has played into how i treat her. She said we dont communicate well with each other, and always lists all my faults. She said i dont listen to her and we dont seem to have the connection she feels. But one thing i noticed is that this all comes when she is on her time of her month. When she is not on her period or having hormonal balance issues, we are fine and she is always happy. It seems that the hormonal issues makes her question everything in her life including me and puts her in a depression. She finally admitted that she feels that all the issues with her life and health is impacting our relationship. But she is scared i cant handle the stress of it on our relationship due to her past experiences with boyfriends who either cheated on her or left her when she got into a state like she is now. She has asked that i give her time to make a decision about us. But i am scared that with her current state she might make a decision out of her current emotions. I tried to be there for her and bring her soup and company when she was done, but that backfired on me. I am scared that if i am going to be with her that i would have to deal with this on the long run. Is there an advice for boyfriends for this situation? I actually brought up the option if she needed space to think about things. She started crying and said she knows that space means that i would start sleeping with other girls or meet someone else and we would become like Ross and Rachel. Also that if she comes to me and wants to be with me i would say so. I then told her that she was going through a lot right now and i dont want to be another additional issue to her if she is even doubting things. But we dont have to do space and we can still do the things we planned for the weekend. She said she would call me back. Later that night i found out that she had cancelled all her plans and sat at home by herself depressed. When i called her she said that we agreed to give each other space to rethink the relationship and i should give her a few days. I did not want to do that because i did not want her to feel like i was like the other guys in her life that walked away when she was down. So my efforts to call her or contact her was making her angry. On new year eve, she got upset that i came over to her house unannounced to pick her up for service. I left her a message that i was coming to come and check on her on her cell/  We had agreed to it the night before, but its like she did not remember and was a different person. I chilled in her house for a few hours before the service and we played Wii and laughed and she was excited to go to church. All of a sudden she started having headaches and was upset about going and in a bad mood. I tried to keep things casual and not talk about us at all and make jokes for her to laugh. When i dropped her off, she says she appreciated me and coming to pick me up and kissed me good night. The next day she did not answer my 1 call or text to check on her health. At the end of the night she sent me a text saying that we had agreed to give her time to think about our wants and needs from each other and that i had not even given her time to think for the 4 days. She says she needs space to make a good decision about us without my constant influential conversations. She said that new year eve night was the most stressful night because i came by unannounced and its not helping our relationship. All i was doing was calling and caring for her health. I texted her okay and that i would leave her alone. I am at the point where i dont know if i want to throw in the towel or continue to be the battering ram and blamed for everything. My sister had this same hormonal issue and told me she knows my girlfriend is going through hell now and its not her talking but her emotions. She says just be there for her and let her know. 
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
Hello. I'm sorry you are going through this. There are some options for your girlfriend if she is willing to try them. She seems to know that she has a problem with her hormone levels. She can go and be evaluated and given medication to help. You didn't say how old you both were, but if you are in your 20's, she may very well grow out of it and it is a phase. I do not want to endorse anything specific, but there are also some herbal alternatives that she may want to look into. I have had some clients who have had a lot of success. Something to think about. Do some research online. There are many available, it could be some trial and error to find one that works. Also, being on birth control can help as well if it is the right kind. She would have to tell the Dr specifically when she feels the way that she does in order for that Dr to be able to prescribe the right kind of birth control pill. They are all very different.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
thanks for the answer. My girlfriend is 31 and i am 29. She just started the herbal medication with a different doctor and has been seeing changes. She never had a period the first 7 months we dated. after she started seeing the doctor and taking herbal remedies she started having a period. She had tried birth control but did not like the side effects.
I guess this is something that many people go through. but i have tried to research online from the guys point of view and how they deal with the GF or wives during this situation. Can you suggest things i can do to show how i can support her through her issues. I feel like i am on pins and needles during this time and its affecting us.

Do i leave her alone and give her space when she is on her time of the month since it worse than normal for her.
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
I understand this is difficult for you and you are being a good boyfriend by sticking with her. I know sometimes it can be very frustrating for you. Giving her space is a good thing to do. I am glad she is seeing a Dr and I hope that you will both see some changes soon. it is just as difficult for her to deal with this too, even though it probably doesn't seem like it because you are on the receiving end of a lot of arguments. Time and patience is going to be your best bet. Don't feel guilty if you need to take some time for yourself as well. When you are feeling frustrated, go take a walk or bike ride or car ride, whatever your thing is and just relax for a bit.

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