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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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I broke up with an exboyfriend who i was in a relationship

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I broke up with an exboyfriend who i was in a relationship with 15 yrs ago, I was 19 at the time, he was about same age.. I havent spoke or heard from him since, he was really into me but i was mean and young-didnt want anything serious, i broke it off.

H sent me a christmas card at my Moms house,, all he said in it was to email him, i emailed him saying thanks for the card, how are you, he emails me back saying "Are you still "working in retail?, hows your cousin John? R us till friends with lisa? call me

he didnt answer how he is, which i found odd and didnt want to give out personal info so
I emailed back saying "happy new year, how was yours? everyone is doing great, thanks for asking,

he then sends me this email which i feel kinda scared of and not sure how to reply, do u think this email sounds weird? We havent spoke in 15 yrs, why is he demanding i call? No i dont live at the same adress, my mom gave me the card, but why is he demanding to know? I kinda sense hes saying that i cant beleive i still live there and why arent i married?

This is the email"

Im glad to hear that you and your family are well. My new years was quiet You know, when I was .thinking of sending you the Christmas card, I was like, it's been a really long time, Chrissy has had to have moved by now. So I was going to address the envelope to Mrs. Taylor in the hope that your mom was still there and she would forward the card to you at your address. I figured you moved and was married with 3 kids and were living in suburbs somewhere. I remembered your old address but not the apartment number so I just sent it anyway. Do you still live at 455 west end ave? Are you married? Any children? Did you complete your degree at college?

I continued to work in retail a little while longer. My brother got me a job at Saks in the shoe department where he was working. Did that a short time. After that I was in the Navy. I got to travel to places I never thought I'd see. Japan, Hong Kong, Singapore, Bahran (that's in the Persian Gulf south of Iraq) and Australia. After I got of the Navy i started working driving limousines and taxis. I'm still a driver today. Like I said in the last email I would really like to hear your voice? Call me, it's been too long. We are not exactly strangers you know. :)

Im not sure how to reply to this. I was glad to hear from him and thought we would take things lightly, but after reading this email i feel a lil scared of him,, i think he could have been friendlier....the truth is im divorced and i live with my boyfriend out of state, i dont have kids and my mom still lives at my childhood adress, why should i tell him that?
I feel its none of my business.. I feel as if i ignore his email now, he might show up at my moms apt, or send me more emails.

Am i overreacting, what should i do? also judging by what he did with his life and what he does now, we dont have much in common
Hello. I don't think his email is that scary coming from a childhood friend. Those are pretty much the basic questions that someone would expect. Even so, it is completely up to you on how you would like to proceed. If you are not wanting to have further contact with him, you have every right not to. I don't think he was demanding you call him or anything. You don't have to ignore him if you think he will continue to bother you or your mom, but you will have to tell him something if you want him to stop contacting you. You can keep it short and simple and still vague by telling him that you live out of state and are with someone and have moved on with your life. If he contacts you after that and you ignore him, then at least he will have an idea as to why. You have to give him some sort of closure in order for him to leave you alone. How you do that is up to you. As I said, you don't have to give him any detailed info, just enough to discourage him.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thanks for the input. I replied back filling him in a little, told him i live with my fiance, no kids.. I mentioned some things we had in common, like music we both listened to and fashion--i asked him if he still plays drums? it was a big part of his life and whay i went out with--part of the appeal. he sent this reply...


Congratulations!!! You're going to get married. That's fantastic! You're fiancé must be a great man. I know you would never settle for anyone who didn't connect with you on a deep level. "No kids just pets", does that mean no kids ever or just for now? I would like to have kids, or at least one girl. I don't why, whenever I imagine having a kid its always a girl. Sounds like you you've had a terrific journey so far. Wow, you've accomplished so much. I always knew you would be successful. Some of the things I always admired about you were your fearlessness and your open minded and creative spirit. I did see a lot of exciting and beautiful things while in the Navy. But the most beautiful thing was also ironically the scariest thing and that was the the ocean it self. At night all you can see are the stars and moon and ocean as far as the eye can see. It an amazing sight to see. I haven't picked up a drum stick in 14 years. I still like rock and roll, but I listen to the early fifties cats like Little Richard, Chuck Berry, Fats Domino..... Do you still like Maddona? I think she's going to sing at the Super Bowl this year. I thought about you from time to time over the years. The time we had together was really special to me. Still today there is a little of you in me. I can't help were my girl...I loved you. I've often wondered if you truly knew how much I loved and cared for you. My mom passed away on dec 15 and it changed me in a good and profound way. I had to contact the people that made an impact in my life. You were first on my list. I hope you and your fiancé have a lifetime of love.


I sent a reply back saying Im sorry his mother passed away and i did love and care for him as well when we were in the relationship and i thanked him for being there for me.

He hasnt replied back so maybe he has closure with that.... I dont know what to make of all this, what do you think?

Judging by his emails we have 0 in common today but the past. im sure he knows that as well... to me it sounds like he never got over me,i feel bad about this, i assumed he moved on,, the reason why i broke up with to begin with is because i went off to college, and had alot of goals, which he didnt have, I also met a new guy at the time who was more like me... i dont know it sounds like his life didnt turn out well... maybe he'll leave me alone now?

it's possible. I think he is just trying to connect with you out of curiosity. In the day of Facebook and all the social networking, people tend to reconnect with old friends fairly often. It's just the way our society is these days. He probably wants you to know how he felt for you and he probably never did get over with you. it's common. A lot of people have childhood loves that move on, it's the way life goes. He may leave you alone, or he may send another email. If he does, just keep it even shorter and to the point. Eventually, he will get it.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX'm not one to connect with people in my past and its the reason why im not on facebook..... Thanks for the advice and input.. I think your right, he was curious which i hate when people do that and now he will prob go away..

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