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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My best friend and roomate of 22 tears passed away november

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My best friend and roomate of 22 tears passed away november 6th after a horrible illness. As her DPOA for health care i had to make difficult decisions re: life support etc. My Mom is 89 and i go to her house everyday after work take her shopping etc.i continueed to do this even when my friend was is the hospital. My older sister viciuosly attacked me on dec. 21st when i asked her to check on mom Thursday because I had to work late (I work in a skilled nursing asasisted living facility as the director of activity) She lit into me with venom and cruelty hatefulness in her voice saying i am just using Mother i don't go everyday to my moms and that when betty was in the hospital i would go over to moms everynight and drink a couple beers cause i didn't want to go home.Absolutely true I didn't want to go home alone. This is not the first time she has done this. She cut off our other two sisters for years, cut off her daughter, has n o friends and is i bekieve miserable. She takes medication so she doesnt drink but she drinks anyway and this is usually when she attacks. I have decided i don't want her hateful, wicked energy in my life and i want nothing more to do with her. I will be civil at family function but when my mom passes i am done with her.I no longer consider her my sister she is just the offspring of my parents. How she could speak to me that way knowing my heart is raw with grief i don't understand.
What is your advice am i doing the right thing?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

Sometimes people will not see beyond themselves. If you drinks heavily this is very common. Alcoholics tend to be very selfish thinkers as well as verbally abusive. They often combine these two traits to make other people miserable. She is not considering your recent loss when she is abusive. She is focused on the deficits in her life and possibly even jealous that you don't have these same problems. Even though you are sad her focus may be more on what you do have than what you don't have. She may see you as her rival rather than her partner in certain life responsibilities. Don't let her behavior poison your life and her opinions color your own self confidence. I would make it clear that she is hurtful and that if she can't deal with you in a positive way then the relationship can't be. I agree with your decision


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