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Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question
Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7621
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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Hi. I need advice. I always felt like i was dissapointing my

Resolved Question:

Hi. I need advice. I always felt like i was dissapointing my parents so ive lie once to cover up and make them feel proud of me and its works. so i keep on lieing and its started to be so complicated to make the lie believable that i just disconect completely with them for a long time. no letter call anything.. i feel so ashame to face them. i dnt know what to do.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 5 years ago.
-- Of course you know what to do. Stop lying. Lies require a very good memory and for the person perpetrating the untruth to always be thinking and remembering. As you've learned, this isn't easy. It's a heavy burden to bear.

What you need to do is two things: First, trust your parents to love you unconditionally. If you think that telling them a truth will be disappointing, then say so! For example, they ask what you're doing lately and you WANT to tell them you've got a very successful job and are thriving. The truth is that you're working part time for minimum wage, but looking for better.
Tell them "I'm doing the best I can, but I'm afraid it's not too great right now. I'd love to hear your ideas at what more I can try"

It's better to listen to their advice, even if you end up ignoring it, than to be dishonest. TRUST them enough to be honest.

The second thing you need to do is trust YOURSELF. Accept that what and who you are right now, is the best you can be with circumstances the way they are. This doesn't mean you'll stop trying and it certainly doesn't mean that this will last forever. It's just the way it is for right now.

Accepting that there is shame to living a dishonest life or telling people who love us, lies -- indicates that you know what's right and are ready to live without the weight of having to keep track of that terrible "web we weave when first we practice to deceive"

I know you'll be alright. Follow your heart

Rev.Dr. August Abbott and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
It is just hard.. been 1 year i didnt talk to them even though they tried much time to contact me.. how can i look at them in the face? ive always been afraid to lose them and their love (that y the lies start).
i started losing faith in everything, ive even stop going to church cause of this.

all my familly have always think of me as a great achiever (and i was at the beginning) but then it became to much pressure and i couldnt take it.. what will they think, what message that will send to my small sisters? so much questions.. making the first step is always difficult.. and all the gossip that will go on after (nosy neighbours, jealous people etc..) will be hard -- not for me but to see how my parents n sister will cope with it, is what will hurt me much.. i dnt want them to lose their pride infront of others because of me...
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 5 years ago.

-- The 'hardest thing' is figuring out what you've said and trying to remember it. The hardest part is the lie. You know it.


Like I said, you have to TRUST THEM . A parent does not stop loving their child because the child isn't the astronaut or concert pianist or college professor they imagined he would be. Parents love their children because the child is born of their heart and their spirit.


I knew a lady who attained a doctorate and set out in life to a vow of poverty in order to give her educational expertise away for FREE to people who needed it and couldn't afford it.


This lady's mother, right up to the day she died, told her neighbors and other nosey friends and family that her daughter was a "secretary". The mother was ashamed of her daughter living in near poverty despite having multiple college degrees and doing a clearly good and respectable thing.


When I asked the lady how she wasn't heartbroken that her own mother would rather tell people she was a secretary than be proud of what she was - she shrugged it off and said, "It's my mothers problem that her values are so shallow; it's not mine. We can't waste our time or our life on things we cannot change"


--- So that's your advice. Live your life the way it is. Be proud of who you are and what you're doing, even if it's digging ditches, breaking rocks or picking up roadside trash. Be the BEST at whatever you do and be proud of being a man who lives rightly and does the correct things.


If your parents don't get it, then shrug it off. It's their problem, not yours. You cannot waste your time or your life on things that cannot be changed.


But just like with the lady mentioned above, her mother still loved her and she knew it. Even if she didn't think highly of her lifestyle - her mother loved her. Just like your parents will always love you.


You must trust them.