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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Hi there, you had helped me a long time ago with my relationship

Resolved Question:

Hi there, you had helped me a long time ago with my relationship and I wanted to ask you another question. SO I have left my relationship, and he was at first, saying a lot of mean terrible things. I moved out of the house, got lawyers, now just waiting form my oayout. But he had kept the house, bought windshimes to replace the ones I took ( I drove by the house to tormant myself) and he kept all my plants...When I first moved out, I tried to talk with him, he did not accept my reasons for being unable to stay...I don't think he had taken responsibility on what he had done in the relationship. Anyways the talks were terrible. He got very mean. He also called the person I had the affair with and told him all sorts of nasty things about me. Even told him about some plastic surgery I had ( I had my layer eye bags removed just last year) anyways...and also showed up at the opening of a gallery function he knew I would be at (my gallery function) to hand me a paper of the money I still owed that month from living there...anyways it has been hard...and although my plan was to date, I have dated and keep thinking about my ex, wondering if I made the right descision to leave. Was he truly in love with me, or did he just not want me to leave cause now he would have to pay for the house himself. He hasn't really been nice, but neither was I for having an affair on him before I ended it...also I get moments of anger that he turned me into this "cheater" I am not a cheater but was so unhappy in the relationship, that I felt so unwanted, that I did what I did...
and I'm angry that is what I am going to be seen as from all who talk to him, and his family. If only they knew how starving I was for affection...
but now, since I have dated a man (nothing serious) I am just like, meh, this is all that is out there, maybe I made a mistake...anyways sorry for all the rambling..I hope this makes sense...let me know if you need any clarification..I am just trying to make sense of my feelings....
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 5 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

This relationship should be left alone like a sleeping dog. He has proven that he is immature and very mean spirited. From what you said, he drove you away, and into the arms of someone who would give you some affection, when you didn't have what you needed to feel like a whole person.

It doesn't matter what he has said to others about you. Your friends and family will take it for what it is worth. Anyone who gives it more credibility just weeds themseves out of your life. Real friends know you, love you, and will stick with you.

You don't need to feel guilty about what happened. Just let it go It reflects the failure of your relationship with this old flame. It was not the cause of your relationshiop breakup, but rather it was the effect.

Move forward with your life. Keep your chin high and let the next door open.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
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