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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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started dating a widow. her husband died almost three years

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started dating a widow. her husband died almost three years ago in a car accident. i have been patient and today she drove 170 miles with her older kids(17,19,22) to see me. we went to a famous german tourist town and had lunch and went shopping. things are going well. except that i have something that is bothering me: she still wears her wedding rings. i am the first person she says that she has gone out with and says she is really comfortable with me. all the signs say that things are great but i am uncomfortable that she is wearing the rings. i mentioned it to her the last time we were together, and asked her why she still wore them. she didnt wear them the first couple of times we went out but now that things seem to be really progressing, it seems like she is wearing them for some reason. i feel that she is doing it to hold on to the memory and she said that she wears them out of habit. i didnt want to push the subject but how do i get her to stop? or is it that i am being unrealistic?
Hello. I think that you have a right to feel uncomfortable about it and mentioning it to her, however I also think you may want to be a little more patient. Three years may seem like a long time to you, but to her it may seem like yesterday. If you both feel strongly about each other and all other aspects of your relationship are great, you may want to consider being a bit more patient. You have mentioned it, so she is aware it bothers you, now it is her decision to take them off. You can bring it up to her again and be nicely persistent, but a great relationship is worth a few small issues to get through.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
how much longer should i wait? i know i can be impatient about things that i want or want resolved. but i also feel that she should respect my feelings also.
You are correct in that she should respect your feelings. I'm just saying there should be a little bit of middle ground here if you both feel strongly about each other. You have already been communicating about it and you should continue to do so. As far as how much longer you should wait, I can't tell you that, you have to decide what this relationship is worth to you and her level of respect for you as well. Relationships are a bunch of pros and cons and you have to decide how much of an issue this is for you vs. the relationship as a whole. If you feel that she is being disrespectful to you about this and it could be a sign of how she could be towards your feelings in the future about other things, you should mention that to her as well. Sit her down in a nice way and explain to her how much it really does bother you and that you feel she is not understanding to what level it bothers you. Make your point but don't be mean or aggressive in your approach about it. Tell her that you understand losing a loved one in a traumatic way is devastating, but if she respects you, she will take them off and move on.
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