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Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question
Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7608
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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Hi, Ive started casually dating a 7 years younger guy while

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I've started casually dating a 7 years younger guy while i was going through my divorce. We've been dating for 11 months, we are happy together but living our lives apart, he's very attent and I care for him a lot, but I'm so afraid that I'm not the one he's looking for, giving that I'm older and I do have 2 children. I feel like I can loose him for a younger girl to start his life with... but how come he cares so much for me so much? I am confused, I am falling in love with him and I don't know if I should tell him.
Thank you in advance for your advise.

Let me understand this: You have been dating for nearly a year and neither of you has mentioned "love" or discussed the future?


When you mention seeing him with his ex, please explain how and why he's seeing her.


Did he end things with her shortly before starting up with you?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thanks for your quick feedback.

I don't know, everything we do the one for the other is full with affection and attention, I only see him once a week and we spend a weekend together once a month. we are co-workers, when we started dating it was casual and we agreed that if one of us would find Mr or Ms right than we will be honest to each others, and after a while he was confused and while having a conversation he mentioned that he likes a direct co-worker and that if he wanted to ask her out he would have done it, but he's not sure if he wants to. so far our dating has become regular and we're very involved together and having great time, but as the other woman and her team at work are his freinds, they go out together for drinks... and this makes me feel very hurt. I feel there more to say but I need you to ask me because this guide me and keep me focused.
Thank you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
One more thing, usually when we leave work on time, we cycle together(yes it's the Netherlands) but when he said goodbye to me on that evening, he didn't say he's not coming with me, he just disappeared in her and her team's direction, my guts knew they are waiting for him, this made feel very angry, i am not sure he will mention his night out, and by the way, no one at work knows that we are dating.
-- I'm still here. Need to re boot the silly thing, be right back
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Okay... I'll be waiting...

Thank you for your patience. It seems that you are a very patient person in ALL areas of your life. Nearly a year with a gentleman and no mention of love or advancing the relationship? That might be considered "too" patient.


--- There may be one of a few things going on here. First, I suspect more than anything else, that he may be going off with other 'friends' and not talking about making what you have 'official' because he's concerned that he'll be rejected.


That talk you had recently that made you feel better? It's time to continue that. It's time to come right out and say to him what you've said here.


Tell him, "John, because I trust our friendship can handle this and I trust you, I'm going to speak my heart. I am not 'developing' feelings for you, I've got them. They are there. And because they are there, when I see you go off with Mary and her friends without me, it hurts. Mostly because I'm not sure how you feel. So, here's your chance to get those pesky feelings out in the open" (keep it light, don't scare him)


--- If he says he doesn't feel 'that' way about you, thank him for being so honest and assure him that you will be working at reeling your feelings back in. That nothing should change between you.


Of course it will, but in time there's a chance it will go back to what's been working for the last 11 months.


And you will know for sure that keeping you mind, heart and options open in case someone else comes along is the right thing to do.


But the botXXXXX XXXXXne is that you must trust him and what you have right now, enough to be honest. Right?



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