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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Hi, Im really upset right now. I just found out that my husband

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Hi, I'm really upset right now. I just found out that my husband paid my sister and mother in law to take me out while he was away with his father for the weekend. Of course my husband didn't just blunted out all this. It's the first time he went away leaving me alone in the house.. My son isn't here he is away til after new years. So I'm thinking he was just concerned of me being alone in the house. My husband the entire time kept texting me asking what I'm doing. After work yesterday ( Saturday) I went shopping he said which I found odd., I thought you were going to be with my sister... I told him I never planned to be with her only Sunday. So the whole night he kept saying something like..."oh, make sure your boyfriend doesn't sleep over" , random things like that even this morning he texted me. " call me when you wake up and make sure he leaves early or something like that can't remember right now... I'm getting ready to go meet them when he texted me.." I feel so jealous I even paid my them to take you out". But dont tell them...What?!!! I asked him calmlymto make sure I read correctly... When he confirmed what I read was correct. I went off on him... I'm so upset and he writes " seriously your starting to piss me off". Really hello?!!!!ahy whatever we went at it back and forth he just said cuz I called him an "A-hole" all he said for an A-hole I'm getting you health insurance and I'm getting my son life insurance....but I'm an A-hole?... I don't understand what that has to do with what he did, he insulted me and I did tell my sister inlay that I know and of course not going anywhere with them... I don't get my husband, he did something wrong and he doesn't understand my view
Hello. How long have you been with your husband? Has he always showed this amount of jealousy and insecurity or is this a new development? He most likely does not think that what he did was wrong, even though you do. It can be very difficult to get someone else to see your view, no matter who they are. You need to have a talk with him about this when things settle down. Is there anything in your past which would make trust be an issue with you both?? Both of you need to sit down and have a conversation about communication in general without having anger be a part of it.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
my son is from a previous marriage my son is 17 and I moved in with my husband when my son was 8 but was dating my husband since my son was about 5. No I don't give any reason at all I have no friends I don't hang with anyone other than his family or my family which none live in the state I do. Just work and home.... I'm really upset with this.... Like really upset.. He is a workaholic and he believes that place in our marriage/family is to work and provide. So I'm even more upset that he justifies his action with getting me insurance.... I don't even want o speak to him and now his sister texted me saying that it wasn't like I think it was... It was more like she wanted to spend time with me and it was perfect timing since he was away this weekend, which by the way he doesn't go away never. But still I feel insulted my husband. I did text her copy and paste what he texted me saying word by word he even paid them to take me out... I'm so sick of his family. They make me seem like I love conflict but I don't... Things like this I don't tolerate to well... Just don't know where do I go from here now thAt all this is all out. Like 6 months ago me and my husband seperated because of my son's behavior and his family said some insulting things about me. But I kind of put it behind me, and for thanksgiving I spent it with them so I was okay with them but now with this.... I don't know...
Dealing with family can be a difficult thing, especially when they can be judgmental. It was good of you to put a lot of it behind you. They don't seem to give you the same luxury. It seems as though this situation needs some time and if you are this upset, you have to sit down and explain this to your husband. He needs to listen to you as well. Relationships and marriage is a two way street. Have you both had a history of good conversations and communication or do you feel as if he had always railroaded your point of view? it's hard for me to determine if this is one situation here or if you have a history of problems like this to figure out your best course of action. If it has been a pattern of him not respecting you, that is a different issue than if you normally have a great relationship and this was a fairly rare and surprising occasion. Is it possible that your husband has done something that he feels bad or guilty about and he is taking it out on you? Sometimes if a person is feeling guilty, they will start accusing someone of something in order to displace those feelings. If this is something that has gone on, maybe you might want to consider taking a little time for yourself away from the situation until things calm down.You should be able to tell him that he insulted you in a way where he should listen and you should be able to talk through it without it resorting to name calling. As I said, if this is a one time fight, it should be handled a little differently than if it is an ongoing thing. BotXXXXX XXXXXne is that you deserve to be with someone who communicates with you and respects you. He should also be able to be a little bit of a buffer between his family and you if they are acting unreasonable to you as well. If he normally is like this and this is out of character for him, there is probably a reason somewhere for it. If it is something that happens to you all the time, I do think you need to take a bit of time apart, even if it is just for a few days just to cool off.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Unfortunately, he's always avoiding my point of view and no it's not unusual... Its really along story but we have been in counseling many times but for some reason it always turns around that he does nothing wrong, but yet I'm always feeling alone and avoided because he works 24/7 and pm always battling my case. Actually I sent my son to his dads so he can learn respect but his father has no clue the meaning of it so impending him back here with me in January. Supposedly my husband is going to " help" me with parenting. But, honestly I feel like I lost myself., it's hard to explain but I feel like I'm suppose to yes him all day long don't bother him while he's working because how else would he provide and don't ask him any question or favors " chores" around the house because he won't have time because of " work" again he provides,..... Basically don't expect much from him other than "provide". If I tell this to my mom she will flip out... I opt to leave so many times..but I don't...I mean wouldn't you feel insulted? If it were you this happened to? I doubt myself all the times but my feelings are still the same... I'm not feeling happy right now with this at all..
I know it is hard to think about and I know you said that you have, but I think you need to seriously consider leaving. You don't need this in your life and you need to be happy. Ask yourself if he didn't provide for you, would you still need to be there?? You already admit this isn't the best environment for your son. I know its easier said than done and its easy for someone sitting on a computer to tell you to just up and go, but this is not a healthy relationship. You should think about giving your husband a nice ultimatum and let him know how you feel and that you are considering leaving or taking some time to think about things.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I have given an ultimatum and the last time he told me he wouldn't finance me leaving.... My family thinks he's crazy. Do you think when my son comes back It will be okay to talk to him about us leaving. My son right now is growing thru a lot just finding out that his real father is incapable of parenting. But my son is 17 and he and I have been threw so much together after his dad and I divorced 14 yrs ago. When my husband gets back I'm not really sure what to expect. Arguing is a definite.... For sure.. I do have some money saved but not a whole lot like I would like to at least one years worth of bills... It's scary I went threw a lot my first divorce even living in my car with my son, living at friends house the at another friend... A lot I never imagine going thru this again...

I just seem to tell myself what the hell I'll just live like this til my son goes to college....then I just cope with then things happens like this one and I find myself in a same situation's crazy
Honestly, it's better for your son to see his mom be strong in a bad situation. A lot of women stay in bad marriages "for the sake of the children" when in reality, the best scenario for the kids is for a separation. I know your son is a little older and he definitely understands what is going on, but in either case, he would benefit more with you explaining why you are not staying and being self confident and leaving, then to stay. Is there any way your family can help you? Your family seems supportive, so go with that and lean on them. That's what family is for. I most certainly think it is important for you to talk to your son about leaving and it's also important for you to ask him about how he feels about it as well. Make sure you include him. He is the most important thing in your life, over any other man.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
yes my family is super supportive in every aspect of my life... thank you so much for clearing all of this for me... my dad did tell me he doubts we last... because both my parent saw with their own eyes how he is. I have slot of thinkin to do... I have to plan all of this... again thank you so much..