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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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its been four years now since my husbaand told me of his affair

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its been four years now since my husbaand told me of his affair with a work colleague. sine that time we tried - let me rephrase that i tried to forgive and try again only to find out that he had not really ended it with her and was just stringing me along. i am now on the last stage of divorce, have moved in with family until its all been sorted (luckily I will be in a postition to buy my own place and take care of myself) on the one hand i at last feel that i am really to move on, in fact of late keep thinking that i could be really to date again, on the other hand, i feel hopeless,and i feel worthless. I am 51 and unattractive and frighten that if i give my heart fully again it will be broken!!!! i want 2012 to be the beginning of me fully living, fully feeling, am i going mad

Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 5 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear Elaine,

You have had a long and disappointing ordeal but you have managed to break free of the abuser. Being cast aside for another woman has been destructive for your self-esteem, and you surely don't see yourself in a flattering light, feeling responsible by your insufficiency, for your husband's infidelity.

I can assure you that just about all women are attractive to some men, and surely you are not an exception. Once you get out in the world of dating, you must go slow and make sure that the men you date are decent and not shallow, and that they are not deceivers. Of course, you cannot always make good judgements, as you have learned.

You must not, on the other hand, be too much on guard. You have to take chances, just as these men are taking a chance going out with you.

Of course you want next year to be the start of a good year. Situate youself well for meeting the right kind of men and plunge back into life. You might want to test the waters a bit with your little toe, but if it feels ok, then go ahead in.

I recommend the following books to assist you. Reading these will be very therapeutic for you.

The Courage to Love Again: Creating Happy, Healthy Relationships After Divorce by Sheila Ellison


I Can Mend Your Broken Heart
by Paul McKenna and Hugh Willbourn

Either or both of these books (available at will help to guide you.

You will have a good year ahead. Put your faith and trust in the future and get some sage advice from some very wise experts that I have listed.

Warmest regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
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