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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I had a friend say to me "I want to be your friend..but I cant

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I had a friend say to me "I want to be your friend..but I cant be your therapist or punching bag." Its an odd situation because we are co-workers (this person is not over me, we are equal). We attend the same church, she is on the ministerial team. Plus we are friends. I have a history of crossing boundaries. I'm working on that. I feel like thats improving.

The probelm is, despite her telling me that she wants to be my friend, I tried sitting down on talking on a friend level Friday and it felt very awkward and indifferent. She doesn't answer my emails. They are personal emails. Knowing the boundaries thing, I sent her a message on facebook. It was about going to a concert, her and her family. She hasn't replied. I don't know if the lack of response is because she is having second thoughts about the friendship. If she is wanting me to come talk to her in person. I don't know. I don't want to screw this up. I have a history of loosing friends. What do I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 5 years ago.
What she is saying is she would love to be your friend, but she can not be involve in any problems you are having. She feels like if something is going on in your life, you react and take it out on her. That is the punching bag expression. She is not responding because she wants you to change and she feels in order for you to change you need to take step in being a proper friend. She must feel that you cross boundries and she wants you to back off a little in telling her aboout things that are wrong in your life. I feel she wants to help you as a friend, but doesn't want to be burdened all the time with problems. She has things in her life that she has to attend to and a friendship too her needs to work both ways. You both sharing your life, but you listen too her and her listening too you. This friendship needs to have communication and understanding of what you both want. Ask her what she wants you to change because you really enjoy her friendship that it means a lot too you and if in anyway she felt like you made her uncomfortable your very sorry and could we start over. I am here if you have anymore questions.
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