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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My boyfriend is, I think, clinically depressed at the moment.

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My boyfriend is, I think, clinically depressed at the moment. He has extremely stressful days and says he hasn't had a good day for as long as he can remember. His school is, like I said, very stressful, and he is in an environment he hates, in a place where he knows hardly any people.

Lately, he has been snapping at me a lot. We talk every night and, more often than not, something will frustrate him and he will snap at me for either no reason or a very small, insignificant reason. After the snap, he will continue to get irritated until he is angry.

Since I know he is having a rough time, should I let him off the hook for snapping at me, or should I stand firm and hold him accountable for getting unreasonably angry and either displaying it to me or taking it out on me?

It sounds like he may be experiencing depression. Whether this is situational or chronic he should not take it out on you. People get depressed all the time and they should not take this out on their partner. Depression can include irritability and anger. There are effective ways to deal with this and this does not include using you as his whipping post. You should be understanding but also hold him accountable. If you don't he will not be motivated to seek help. It is not okay to visit your mood on someone else. Maybe he needs assistance while he is in school. He has to find a way to deal with this that is more productive. Start by confronting him in a way that is productive.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
What if when I tell him he needs to seek help he tells me not to tell him what to do? What if when I say it's not good for the relationship he says that maybe he's not the guy for me? I don't know how else to confront him about this...
Approach him by saying "I am concerned about you and noticed that you are struggling lately. I am not trying to upset you lately and it seems like you are on edge" Stay vague. If you say that you need to get help that sounds like an ultimatum.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Whenever I voice my concern, he tells me not to worry and that he'll handle things. If I say anything related after that, he gets irritated and annoyed. He'd rather suffer than listen to my suggestions on how to get better. I don't know what to do, then. I don't know how else to support him when he refuses to let me.
You are in a position as many partners are. The person doesn't want to be miserable but will deny any help offered. Unfortunately your choices are limited because you can't treat anyone who doesn't want treatment. He may not be resistant forever. In the meantime say little things and plant a seed so that eventually he gets it
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