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Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question
Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7621
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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i recently met someone who just got out of a long term "suffocateing"

Customer Question

i recently met someone who just got out of a long term "suffocateing" relationship and we agreed to keep the dateing casual after a few dates and yes great sex i called her and got no answer a couple days later after a couple text messages asking wtf she tells me that she has a problem with "when anyone included starts making me feel obligated or causes guilt within myself whether it was intended or not i will step back" so i said ok np and we continued to see each other then suddenly she completely stops answering my calls and texts and finally says im nagging her? wtf should i do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 5 years ago.
-- She is clearly not emotionally or mentally healed from her previous bad relationship and she's going to see monsters under every bed and in every closet until she has enough distance between her and the bad ex.

This means that no matter how much you're not 'that guy', she's going to misconstrue pretty much everything you do or say in order to make you 'that guy', because she expects it.

On top of all this, if it was a long term relationship or one of any seriousness, which it sounds to me like it was -- nearly 100% of what is called a 'rebound relationship' that occurs right afterward, will fail.

So if you really want to know what to do? Move on. Check back with her after one of two things happen: 1. She has her rebound relationship with someone else and becomes available again; 2. She gets into a real counseling program for no less than 4 sessions with a licensed, degreed therapist who can help her not just move on from her bad experience, but understand that not everyone she meets is going to be the same way. And it's unfair of her to treat you (or anyone) like they have a debt to pay for what an ex did.

--- I know it might not be what you hoped to hear, but it's what you need to hear. There's no reason to put yourself through a battle you can't win.

Give her all the time and space she needs. That means do not call, text, pm, email, poke, write on walls or anything else. Let her initiate things and even then, as I said, it would be best if you keep a very wide distance for a while. Until she's truly ready.

Good luck,

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Answer came too late.