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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I am not able to trust my fiance anymore. She has lied to me

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I am not able to trust my fiance anymore. She has lied to me multiple times in different matters, and recently a new issue came. She says her supervisor at university is harassing her and is trying to get something from her. She said she resisted him and she is telling me to come clear about it. I asked her to report him but she refuses to because she does not want to create more trouble. I asked her to use one very confidential women protection organization to report this incident but she also is always postponing to do it. I also asked her to record any of the phone calls where he is harassing her, or record any interview with him where he is harassing her. It can be done easily and I helped her to install a recording application to her mobile phone. Anyway, after that the supervisor suddenly stopped to harass her. But now she claims he is taking "revenge" because she rejected him by making her to fail two of her courses due to absences from lectures. I find it difficult to believe what she is saying. I made it very clear to her that I believe her, but I want her to take this harassment seriously. I explained to her that I find it difficult to accept that my fiance or wife is harassed or touched without confidently opposing it and put a limit to it. I understand that she might be very afraid, but I do have a very serious lack of trust issue because she has lied to me in the past. She makes big lies like for example once she said her father had a cancer whe he did not!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

It is very unusual for someone to make up a lie about cancer. That is someone who has a tendency to get attention by making up stories - especially stories that can be found out. Don't assume that this is a lie because of her behavior. Women as a whole are very resistant to taking proper action. There are a multitude of fears and that is why low reporting and low follow through are most evident in sexually related offenses. Almost all sexual offenses go unreported. In addition to backlash there is also embarrassment or a concern that they brought this on themselves. I do agree that she is capable of incredible lies so you have no choice but to doubt her but try to verify facts as you did with her father. Did she fail those two courses. You may have to accept that she isn't going to do anything about it. Pull back your support if you are questioning whether it happened.


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Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.