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Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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My Boyfriend gave told me to take his cell phone this morning

Resolved Question:

My Boyfriend gave told me to take his cell phone this morning because he was expecting an important call but forgot his cell at home. I took his cell and noticed some text messages from his ex girlfriend (ex but like when he was 16, he is 31 now) The content really bothers me and since he is always accusing me of cheating on him, I feel like I have more of a reason to freak out. So the texts go like this (He may have erased his sent messages, there aren't any in his outbox...)

Message 1

"don't regret, decisions were made I feel bad because I love you but we can't be together no, you need stability in your need a good woman"

Message 2 (later that night)

"R U okay now?"

Message 3 (this morning)

"have a good day at work! .... XOXOXO

Should I be worried? He claims he hasn't seen her since 2001......
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 5 years ago.

Thank you for bringing your question to Just Answer!

Your reaction should be to be very careful in trusting this man. If he hasn't seen her since 2001, why would there be so much back and forth texting, and her worrying if he is "okay now?". Of course, he's going to tell you it means nothing--that doesn't mean you should believe it. The fact that he deleted all his responses shows he knows this isn't right, and he tried to remove the evidence.

Pull back, and make him prove his commitment to you before you get any more involved.

The fact that he accuses YOU of cheating is a huge red flag. Very often, when men have those fears and make senseless accusations, it's because he's actually doing what he's accusing you he tries to deflect his guilt by putting it on you.

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