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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My husband walked out on our 16 year relationship (8 year marriage)

Resolved Question:

My husband walked out on our 16 year relationship (8 year marriage) without warning. He met another woman within a week and moved in with her, took her to Paris and they got a flat together in London shortly after. After 5 months I found out through my 10 year old daughter - about this other woman - things came to a head and my husband asked her to leave the flat they shared and asked if we could try again. Since then he has been very distant and gets very angry with me - should I give up? I love him very much - but do not think he loves me - and I don't understand why he is angry with me ?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 5 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

I am so sorry for the pain you have suffered at the hands of your husband. You have already suffered my grief and have had many months to go through some of the grieving process.

You say that your husband has asked if you could try again, since he basically kicked out the other woman. He was evidently done with her and does not like being on his own. He has some serious problems, possibly Borderline Personality Disorder. He just doesn't want to be alone or feel like he has been abandoned. However you will not satisfy him.

  • he doesn't seem to love you
  • he has no sense of fidelity to you
  • he is distant from you
  • he is prone to anger
  • he doesn't care about keeping his family intact
  • he is unreliable and could leave again without notice or warning
  • going back to him is a risky and bad prospect and holds little for you other than returning the empty shell of a previous relationship.

I strongly urge you to not take him back. He needs real therapy, not the "therapy" provided by abusing you emotionally in the most cruel way. He probably won't want to go to therapy, and if he has BPD, the prognosis for helping him is poor.

I beleive that you will serve yourself best by letting him fade into the past. If you take him back you will just keep repeating the same cycle.

I wish you the strength and wisdom to do what is best for you and for your future.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
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