Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
Hi and thanks for writing JA
are you here?
Hi are you there?
yes, thank you
ah good to see you
how are you holding up tonight?
yes I am sure
I have read your post
I understand why you are where you are
its hard for me to understand the rest
may I ask a few more questions please?
what do you need to know
your family is back in the UK?
or the US?
she is in the UK?
okay so I read that correctly
You are working so she can set up her business?
what kind of business does she intend to set?
she is a qualified migration agent helping people gain access to Australia
okay yes I see
and she took her band off as she is lifting weights which would cause harm
to her band that is?
yes, to the ring,
that is what you say
let me read back one more time to see if I have missed something
okay so I have reread again
i am not trusting her and am unsure wether to go back home is my question really
the question is what exactly? are you asking us if you should go home or stay?
oh well I think anyone can see she is not to be trusted
that part is pretty easy
but should you go home or not is unclear to me
you say you have saved a fair amount of money
do you think if you went back to the UK
you could support yourself and your daughter, could you get a job asap?
well i have only been away for 4 months and been working for 2. but we do have 30- 40 thousand between us in savings
okay very good
so you think you can go back home and find a place to live and support your child until you find work?
work situation in the uk is not good for me even though am a qualified plasterer
yes exactly why I asked about finances
exactly why I asked
exactly, there is my dilemma
have you spoken with an attorney?
someone familiar with divorce law in the UK yet?
i dont think it will go anywhere near that far down the track. Why would i do that?
okay you tell me?
my problem is,i sort of need to be here for the money,i am not convinced about my wife, but am feeling pressured to be here
despite it making me feel ill
okay and you do not think she is betraying you? you are okay with her behaviors there? that works for you> right?
Not really. i feel i am making a massive sacrifice, and although she is working part time, setting up her business and looking after our daughter i feel i havethe rougher deal
okay so you are fine with her behaviors its just that you feel as if you have the hard part in this by being away
okay now I understand somewhat better
so you wish to go home because you are making the money but missing the family life and yet there are no jobs for you where you live so that is the dilemma?
no to her behaviour and yes to the i have the hard part
no to her behavior means that you know she has left the marriage but you also know you cant do a thing about it
or does it mean that no, you dont agree but you know you cannot do anything about it from so far away
she has not left the marriage, i have no proof of that!
or no means that its okay for her to do this to you but you dont like it so much
okay I see
then my answer is easy
let her support you for a while
she is earning next to nothing, have private school fees to pay
forty thousand dollars is enough for a family of three to live on for a year even in this awful economy
and if you must switch schools
you know you cannot have this both ways?
i know, the failure i will feel from every one is awful if i go home
okay failed how?
tell me how please so I can help you?
tell me how you have failed
you have a wife who treats you horribly from thousands of miles away
and you refuse to consider that she should behave differently
and then you worry that you should come back and tend to your child
please help me out on this?
havent managed to stick it out. also the idea to do this was sort of mine even though i didnt want to do it. and then i really want to get my oz passport in september
I am not sure what an OZ passport is? can you tell me?
Australian passport. we have moved back and forth 3 times. Australia to england and back again
very good then
Look the passport isnt worth my marriage or my health
no I sort of agree too
I dont think its worth your health at all
not at all
so we are on the same page
pretty much. i just know going back in her eyes may be the end of our marriage anyway
so absolutely do what ever it takes for you to feel better no matter what anyone says or thinks
I completely support you on this
well she is very selfish and very cruel just based upon what you have written here
so my take is?
no huge loss to you if she leaves you which it sounds to me as if she has already done
its up to you
you tell me its not time to see a divorce attorney
and yet, she says the things she does to you?
I would have secured the advice of an attorney yesterday, and confidentially so
i will be battling her wealthy family who i really get on with! they even say how difficult there daughter is
I wouldnt battle them at all
I would just think myself a worthy husband and not worry so much about their money
character always wins over bank accounts
i cant but you know what i mean, just need the strength to do this
you can do this
you have parents living? siblings?
yes my sister cannot really stand her, said she is not right for me
I always liked your sister
always liked her a lot you know :
my kind of girl your sister
i suppose that is the answer then
I can only tell you this one thing that I know about women and know so very well
I am sure my wedding band was not nearly as expensive as your wife s ring
but when I was working at the Trade Towers as a first responder
someone suggested I take off my rings
and I could not bear that thought. SO for six months I taped my rings with duct tape.
I could not even consider removing my wedding rings.
so it really knocked my socks off when you said she had to remove her ring to work with weights
no woman in love does this?
i know. the ironic thing is i cant wear mine for work as its a safety issue with the machinery, but i had to be told every day for 2 weeks before i took it off and even then very begrudgingly! dont despair. i am her 2nd husband!
funny but not so funny either
yea I know exactly why it was so hard for you
it was not acceptable for me
so yea I kow
cause i am nuts, still a tiny part of me loves her
I think a whole big huge part of you loves her or at least loves whom you wish she would be
and thats okay
what is not so okay is that you seem to think its okay for her to say and do the things to you she has done
that part is so so not okay
i know have just been a weak person thats all
LOL I dont think you are weak at all
I think you just have a hard time seeing this all because you are so blinded by your emotions as any of us would be
when we are in love with someone we just accept a lot of nonsense sometimes
and you have done that very well. which by the way is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of tolerance and patience
but yea, she is too selfish to love you so you do have to go at some point
you are not so weak at all
just made not such a good choice in wife
happens a lot my friend
many thanks cathy, i have that sinking feeling! haha
I think you are a terrific guy and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I hope this works out for you and if it does not work out for you.................well, I have a strong feeling that somewhere there is a wonderful woman who will appreciate you and your tremendous strength and your ability to sacrifice beyond the pale. I think you are very special indeed. Good Luck and Bless you, night now.