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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I moved in with my boyfreind and his son 4 years ago. The

Customer Question

I moved in with my boyfreind and his son 4 years ago.
The son is now 23 and im tired of the living arrangement.
I want us to have a place of our own, with privacy.
Is is wrong of me to want this ?
Recently i mentioned to my boyfreind i may need to get my own place because its uncomfortable living this way. He didn't say too much about it and i think he's actually ok with it.
Am i wrong to be upset ?
The son pays no rent and its holding us back from having extra money so that we can afford even going out to dinner once in awhile.
The place looks like a bachelor pad. I want to feel like i live their when i come home after work.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 5 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

You are justified in feeling the way you do. It is also understandable that your boyfriend is not going to through his (now big) little boy out into the cold.

If he had some more sense he would try harder to make you feel more at home in the space that is supposed to be your home, and for which you presumably help to pay for.

If you are going to be a couple, then you can expect to live like a couple with your own space which you can expect to look like your home, with order and cleanlness a prime element of being comfortable.

I think that your boyfriend should put more concern into YOU than he does, and work harder at making compromises. Perhaps you can reason with him. If not, then perhaps your moving into your own space, or even talking about it more seriously, will be a wake up call. Perhaps your boyfriend doesn't care.

Move forward cautiously but with the goal of being satisfied with YOUR life. You have compromised enough and for enough time. Now you are ready for the next stage in your relationship if there will be one,.
Be brave and temperate and see if you cannot raise your status in your boyfriend's eyes.

Warm regards,
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Your response made me feel much better.
I just had one last question .
I pay no rent, I pay for utilities and groceries,
I would gladly pay rent but I have nothing here except clothes.
I want to be able to pay half the rent so that I feel like i have s home.
Should I assume that he is putting hid son before me, which is where I'm having the most difficulty because isn't he supposed to put his son first ?
This is what makes me crazy not knowing what is right.