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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Im married, but for quite some time have felt neglected. Except

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Im married, but for quite some time have felt neglected. Except for spending time together at home, im alone. My husband "jake" has hobbies (which im glad he does. Everyone needs them) but between work &hobbies im left to do a lot of things on my own. Id love if he would want to spend time with me doing what i want but its not his thing. To add to this mix, i started venting to a couple co-workers &a male co-worker would point things out to me. Things that i had thought too... he would say things like "shouldnt 'jake' be more concerned w/u gaining some weight (because im unhealthy underweight) than wanting u to be pregnant?". Things like that. &so from there he was a good ear for me becuz i didnt feel like i was crazy with these thoughts. Well, it turned into more &altho nothing has ever been done or acted on, i have this very strong pull towards him &i know he feels the same. He's a great guy, we have very similar backgrounds, have the same interests etc. And he gets upset when he knows im home alone or when there is something going on where we would both enjoy it but we cant. What im wondering is, do i stay in a relationship where im not sure my husband will ever understand me completely, or do I take a risk? I love my husband &i know he loves me. But sometimes i think he's married the wrong person &he'd be happier without me. Im really not doing well &need help. :( &im so afraid that whoever is reading this thinks poorly of me. If you can help me, i would greatly appreciate it.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

Your decision must include that you can't have both. I understand what you are saying about your husband's hobbies. When a relationship isn't nurtured it begins to fail. You can't have a relationship survive if one or the other spends all his/her time doing something else. You begin to feel neglected. That is probably the reason that you sought out or even accepted attention from another man. However you should consider that this man may not be as attractive if your husband was sufficiently involved in your marriage. It is possible that the luster would wear off if your marriage was a happy one. You need to evaluate the benefits that this guy offers if your marriage was over.


An alternative to making such a drastic choice would be to find a marriage counselor. But that has to be based on you pursuing what you want. You would have to motivated to improve your marriage for this to help. If it's not what you want then you shouldn't pursue this option.


Before you do anything you have to consider what the benefits of either one are going to be. If he doesn't get you then maybe the understanding is not there to make the relationship work. But maybe this other guy is not as perfect as he seems when you are not seeking attention that your husband is not willing to provide. The decision is yours



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