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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5838
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I am in a relationship of 10 years, 13 months ago we had a

Customer Question

I am in a relationship of 10 years, 13 months ago we had a little boy, she has 3 boys from a previous marriage - 18, 16 & 13, I am over the moon with my wee man & dote on him, we dont leave him with anyone & dont get out much, we argue constantly & I am afraid we are about to break up, It will destroy me to leave her and my child, I dont know what to do or say because I fear saying the wrong things, i really love her and I feel sick in the pit of my stomach, I dread not being able to see my boy every day.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


Can you tell me a bit more about what you are arguing about? Is this about everyday things or is there a deeper issue, such as an affair?


How long have you been arguing?




Customer: replied 5 years ago.


No affair, arguing on & off about 2/3 months, mostly arguing about mundane things, kids mostly, their lazyness, cheek etc, not getting out mabye, her ex not paying maintenence or taking the kids every so often..........


I get the feeling she dosent want to be with me any more................

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Thank you for the information.


Arguing a lot may not mean she wants to leave you. Keep in mind, women and men see things differently. And they communication differently. She may have needs that she feels you should be fulfilling. Some women feel that their partners should just know what they want. And since men communicate less than women, the signs and signals she sends you may not get noticed.


It could also be that she is unhappy with herself and is taking it out on you. Or she feels overwhelmed and you are the only person she turns to.


There is no real way to know what she is feeling unless the two of you can sit down together and really listen to each other. Try giving each other two minutes to say what you feel. The other person has to listen without interrupting, no matter what they think or feel. When each of you talks, use "I" statements, such as I feel..... This will help keep blame and painful remarks out of the conversation. Once you understand the problem, both of you can work to solve it.


Once you know what each of you needs, try to implement at least one or two things a week.


Also, give yourselves more time together. I know it's hard to leave your son, even with people you know well. But going out together helps you bond. Also, your son needs to experience being with others to grow and learn. Make a date and take her out. Let her feel special. Just enjoy each other.


You can also consider how you relate to each other. How you express love and need to be loved is important. Here is a good site to help you learn to connect better:


Also, learn more about connecting and loving each other. Here are some other resources to help you:


Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love: Relationship Repair in a Flash by Nancy Dreyfus


ScreamFree Marriage: Calming Down, Growing Up, and Getting Closer by Hal Edward Runkel and Jenny Runkel


The Power of Apology: Healing Steps to Transform All Your Relationships by Beverly Engel


You can find these books on or your local library may have them for you.


If you try these strategies and you still feel there is something wrong, try counseling. Your relationship is worth saving, not only for each other but for your son. He benefits with the two of you together. To find a therapist, try asking your doctor. Or you can search on line at or


Let me know if I can help any further,







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