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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My girlfriend who wants to break up with me is going overseas

Customer Question

My girlfriend who wants to break up with me is going overseas for 2 weeks where she will meet this guys who she has been speaking to over the phone for past 2 months.we still live together, i tried to ask her if they would be going out and there. and she goes to me that its my personal life and i will do whatever i want to do.

This guy is trying to be very very extra nice and caring to her and she is falling in it. this guy is married with a kid. i dont know what made my girl to fall for her even knowing that hes married and has a kid. i will be going to drop her to the airport. its so very hard for me to deal with.

Please suggest something. Should i remain in contact with my girl during this time or just leave her alone. i dont want to look like as if i am monitoring her action and steps.

PLease suggest something which plays a reverse effect.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

If she wants to break up start acting like it. You are dropping her to the airport to meet a new guy. You are asking her questions about this situation when you have to find closure. It doesn't matter if they will work out. She is breaking up with you. He is not the problem only the symptom. It isn't about them. She has made her intentions clear and she is moving on (even if it is too quickly). Take your focus off her trip and onto making sure you are okay. Don't contact her. Start taking steps to accept that she wants to go. You have no reason to call. If she isn't your girlfriend then let her go. You can't get her to understand anything because she is emotionally detaching. So you have to find what helps you close this relationship out and disengage too. She obviously is taking great steps to move on so don't grasp for straws. It's a horrible situation but you have to be okay too and stop living for her to come back.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

thanks, she will come back in 2 weeks time and we will be in the same house untill she finds new accomodation. I dont know how will i deal with this.


such a painful time for me. i can see the signs that she still thinks about me, often calling, caring, cooking for me,hugging me, asking me confused questions. But then all of a sudden she gets in mood swings. and then i get little voilent too.


Any suggestions for this

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
any answers please
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

This is a toxic relationship. If you can't be together don't be. One of you has to have the courage to end it and living together is just complicating that. That is why you are angry. You know the relationship is negative but you both are participating in the facade. You have to sit down for the sole purpose of making the arrangements necessary to separate. If you allow her to abuse you she will and vice versa. The pain of breaking up is bad but living together is worse. You are behaving as a couple without the benefits. Make these arrangements. If you are violent you need to do this today. There is nothing that should allow you to be violent. That part is your responsibility to end this behavior. Make a plan to be two separate individuals.


If this has been helpful presss accept

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

understand, now there she is overseas. Gone on Friday and has already called me thrice with a very loving and caring tone.I responded nicely too.


This just conflicts me so much, that why is she doing this??? What do you reccon??

Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
Some people are just okay playing with other people's feelings. They are fine with ambiguity and thrive on drama. It is more exciting to have this on again off again sort of interactions with partner. This usually doesn't change. They are bored with a normal relationship. I would be very careful. She is fine focusing on her needs while your don't get met. She seems very self centered. They are all about their own needs so keep this in mind. Good relationships bore them.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi there,


I am trying to be very careful, she calls me now everyday. Today i saw 7 missed calls on my phone whilst i was in the gym. And then later she called today and spoke to me.


I really dont know what to do?? Should i ask her to stop playing with me or any suggestions??? what should i tell her?



Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
You should tell her that she needs to be either in the relationship or out of it. When she acts a couple it gives you hope and you don't think that is fair. You need to be a couple or not be one at all. Let her know how hurtful it is to maintain contact when there is no relationship. If you put your foot down she will stop abusing the privilege of being in a committed relationship. Now she has the best of both worlds. Stop giving her that right
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Ok, do i wait for her to come back, or should i say her this when she calls me next?
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I would tell her now so you know the deal before she goes away. That way you know if when away what your role is. Ask her to make a decision.