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Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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After going through a bad marriage/separation/divorce/access

Customer Question

After going through a bad marriage/separation/divorce/access to my son, I still feel I want to be in a relationship, but, I am with 3 different women and feel guilty. How should I chose? I'm not the type to do this.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for bringing your question to Just Answer!.

So nice to hear from a man who has realized that meaningless sex is just that...meaningless.

It would seem that if one of these women were "the one" you would know it by now. Just to be sure, imagine life with one of the women not in it. If that seems fine, then you know she isn't a keeper. If the thought of never seeing one of the women seems unthinkable, it's time to stop seeing the others and concentrate on her. You're not doing the women any favors by triple-timing them, and even if they have a momentary broken heart, they will live.

But doing what you're doing is not going to help your recovery one bit, because you obviously don't feel good about yourself as a game-player (which is what someone seeing 3 women would be defined as, by most people). You have to have self-respect to feel like you deserve a truly good woman. A couple of sessions with a counselor, (find a male one if that helps), would help you get clear on what you really need to feel proud of yourself again. Once you have your self-respect back, you'll be more likely to attract a self-respecting woman worthy of your monogamous attention.