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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5839
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Kate, Regarding same relationship I have limited my contact

Resolved Question:

Regarding same relationship: I have limited my contact with my ex except recently. My father was airlifted last week to a trauma center and I left messages for him but no call or text so I assume he no longer cares what happens to me or my family. One thing he mentioned last time we spoke was that I had hurt his parent's feelings during our relationship and wondered how I felt about that? Of course I feel awful and am wondering if I should send them a card with an apology for any pain or hurt I caused them. I can't bear the thought of hurting an innocent party.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, it's good to hear from you.


I am sorry to hear about your father. I hope he is alright.


You are right, if he has not responded to your messages about your father, he is telling you he no longer wants to be involved. Although his comments to you about his parents were bothersome, you probably don't want to contact them about the incident(s). This is because either one, they have moved on already and may not recall what happened, or two, you contacting them will just remind them of what happened and they may feel angry all over again.


If you sent an apology, you have no way of knowing how they will view it. Whatever happened is past, and since they no longer have contact with you, they may see your contact as a way of trying to get to their son, which may make you look worse. Or they could accept it. If you feel it is worth the risk, send it. But at this point, unless you see them again in the future, it's probably better you allow this to pass.



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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I sent a reply but not sure you received it. I wanted to assure you that I am not trying to "get" to their son. Since my father has been in the hospital (and continues to improve) and Todd doesn't respond I realize that the relationship is over. I understand that sending an apology might stir up bad memories for his parents, although I'm not quite sure that they harbor any ill will. Todd has the tendency to fabricate stories to make me feel guilty. I will sleep on it. Thank you. In regard to the photo album, I know you advised me to consider "deconstructing" it and initially I wasn't sure that I could but I am moving in that direction. I am sad every day but try to work through it. He was my first love and the love of my life. He was the only man that I gave myself to completely. I miss him terribly.
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Oh, I know you aren't trying to get to their son. I am sorry if I came across that way. I only meant that you should consider that they may feel that way, especially if Todd likes to fabricate stories and may have told them something bad about you.


I am sorry you feel so sad. I know break ups are very hard and take a toll. Mourning a relationship is one of the hardest things to go through. But be assured that you will get through this and feel better in the end. You may always feel sad when you think of the end of the relationship, but you will be able to think of the happy times too and smile.



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