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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I dont know what to do. Ive been with my partner nearly two

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I dont know what to do. I've been with my partner nearly two years now. We talk about getting married next year (he does all the talking) and also starting a family. He is not the easiest person at showing his emotions, i accept that, and never push him. Im very independant and i work away at least two weeks of every month (we live together) so he has plenty of alone time. Even when i'm home I fill up my day with things to do myself, and never ask him for help round the house etc, Im fine with doing all that He works very hard and runs two businesses by himself.
Recently he has taken on alot more business and I know he is stressed. He is the type of person who will contact me constantly, calls me dozens of times a day. The past week he has suddenly become cold and very distant, not returned my calls and ignored txts from me. I am away at the moment and I have asked him if there is a problem as he has never acted like this before - its very strange.
He says he is not ignoring me, he is just busy, and I mither him!
He has never acted like this before, even with a heavy workload, granted i think he has taken on too much and is running himself into the ground.
The problem is he doesn't communicate well. I did send him a txt asking him if everything was ok, i respect his space, he has made his point and I have taken it onboard, to which he replied, Will talk when you get home.

I did make the mistake of asking him if he wanted to end the relationship (my mistake i know) and then just text and said, I don't want to stress him out anymore, Im just worried and Im sure he understands that, and like he says we will talk when i get home.

I do love him very dearly, even though sometimes he is not the easiest person to be with! I try and do my bit to help him, as his businesses are quite young (and I think we are working together to build a future) That I don't moan that we don't have an extensive social life (although we do do things together fairly regularly) I pay all the bills in the house myself, to help him build up what i think is "our" future, which i am more than happy to do.

He is normally a very happy guy and full of energy, i'm just not sure what to do next, if he is trying to tell me something, or maybe i am over analizing things.

I know this may sound silly but he has never said he needs time to himself?

I've invested alot into this relationship (as has he, we did up the house together etc)

I know work is a big burden to him, I just don't know what to say when we have this "talk" He isnt a man who copes with pressure very well at all...then again what man does!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

Don't assume anything yet. You have to get home before you assume that it is the relationship. Often in business the first 3 years or so are just about stress. There is often a fear of failure that last for this time. He may be experiencing stress in his business and feels overwhelmed. This could lead him to not want to talk about it on the phone. If you assume it is about the relationship then you will think negatively when you don't know that is what it is.


If it is the relationship you can isolate the cause of the problem. It doesn't mean that it is over because there is an issue. You approach the problem together and most things are fixable. The point of talking about it is to stay together. If he doesn't share his emotions then this would be a good time to discuss that. A great resource on this is Mars and Venus Together Forever. He has to learn how to do this. It takes practice. He has lot of time to look at that quality if he is home alone and can explore this. Find ways to increase his ability to do this. For instance have him send an email each day you are away to compose his thoughts. Then transfer this skill to text then phone. If he is committed to the relationship then he is motivated to maintain it. You may tell him now that you need to just know what the problem is in reference to so that you don't have difficulty functioning. He may say it's about his business. Then you can pick it up when you get home. If he refuses then still don't over analyze this so that you can't function.


If it turns out that it is about the relationship, offer to go to couples counseling to resolve the issue.


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